


Last of the Kings

by Folie_a_duex



Series: Titan Kings [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alpha Bertholdt, Alpha Erwin, Alpha Falco, Alpha Levi, Alpha Marcel, Alpha Mikasa, Alpha Porco, Alpha Reiner, Alpha Zeke, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Beta Armin, Beta Hanji Zoe, Eventual Smut?, F/F, F/M, Lots of self hatred, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Omega Annie, Omega Eren, Omega Verse, Slow burn but here’s the thing, To Be King part two bitches, Unreliable Narrator, but now it’s like they’ve hit the reset button, hating their biological sex, i haven’t read most of the manga so everything is now just kinda AU, they already went through the slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2019-11-12 06:03:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 29,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18005252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Folie_a_duex/pseuds/Folie_a_duex
Summary: She was supposed to return nine years ago, by the latest. She was supposed to be fourteen or fifteen when she came back. He was supposed to be a young alpha who hadn’t even hit puberty yet, much less adulthood.The woman who stands before him isn’t his sister.~~~PART TWO OF TO BE KING. READ THAT ONE FIRST. But anyways this one takes place in the manga, but I haven’t read much of the manga so it’s not as ‘canon compliant’ as the TBK.





	1. The Eyes of the Enlightened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter one of Part Two! Ha! I know this chapter isn’t the best, but listen peeps I have an excuse, which I’ll say at the end.

 

“Harper Finley has returned to Eldia.”

 

A street is buzzing with quiet conversation and gossip. Children run around, playing war or tag, and their parents watch them halfheartedly while chatting with their friends. 

 

“Finley? As in commander Finley?”

 

The words become whispers, and eyes turn to the soldiers parading the streets. The soldiers bear the mark of the Titan Legion, and they all are loyal to the Titan Council. Any gossip their ears heard would be reported to the Council, and no one wants that.

 

“It’s been years! Shouldn’t she be dead now? Shifter Titans only live for thirteen years, after all.”

 

“Yeah, but she’s an omega. Omegas can hold their titans for longer than alphas, and she's living proof of that.”

 

Skeptical glances are exchanged. How much titan science could this one random citizen know?

 

“And now she’s back?”

 

“Yeah. Harper Finley has come home.”

 

A young alpha man in his early twenty runs down the stairs of his family home, and he’s running out the door without a word to his wife. He’s running towards the Council Hall and he’s running into people but he can’t stop running. He slams into the Council doors and shoves the blasted things open, groaning under their weight. Once he’s inside, he starts running again and he’s running towards the Councilroom. People are murmuring about him but he couldn’t care less. Harper Finley has come home. That’s all that matters.

 

He shoves open the Councilroom doors and bursts in. The room is empty except for him and the figure in white. In the middle of the room stands a young woman in her late twenties, and she looks tired. Brown jagged hair falls around her face, and a crooked nose is clear from his point of view. He can see the burn marks under her eyes from here, and they look fresh. She just exited her titan. 

 

“Harper.”

 

She turns her head towards him and there’s no smile on her face. Just confusion. 

 

“William?”

 

He rushes forward and slams into her, catching her in a choking embrace and his face is buried in her shoulder. 

 

“I thought you were dead.”

 

His sister doesn’t hug back for a moment, and when she does, it’s awkward and too stiff. 

 

“I’m alive.”

 

Her voice is coarse and far deeper than what he expected. 

 

He releases her from his grasp and looks properly at her face. Brown eyes flicked with gold look at him blankly, and thin lips don’t curve up into the familiar smile he’s dreamed about for years. Her cheeks are dotted with freckles from the sun and the three little moles on her left cheekbone stand out even more, but she looks pale, almost sickly. She looks like she’s about to drop.

 

“Harper?” He asks. “Are you okay?”

 

She doesn’t answer for a moment, and then nods. “I’m fine. Just tired.”

 

She looks scared. 

 

“What did the council do to you?” He demands. 

 

She shakes her head. “They didn’t do anything. Nothing bad, at least. They let me in and changed me into some clean clothes. Nothing else.” Her accent is different, rounder somehow. The vowels sound different.

 

He looks at her with scrutiny, but he isn’t enraged by what his eyes find. Shadows under her eyes, shallow burns around her cheeks and eyes, falling like tears, cracked lips, tired eyes, messy hair, everything you’d expect from someone who’s been traveling for a month. He begins to release his grasp on her shoulders, but something under her collar catches his attention. It’s an angry red mark, and it’s far too close to her scent gland for his liking. 

 

“Harper, what is this?” He pokes at the mark through her dress.

 

She instantly recoils and threat and fear fills the air. “Nothing.”

 

“Harper…”

 

“I said it’s nothing!” She snaps, and her eyes are no longer dull. Rage fills them and he notices that her footing has shifted into a protective stance. 

 

What happened to his sister? “Someone hurt you.”

 

She scoffs. “Give the man a medal. Someone hurt me. Doesn’t take a genius to figure it out.” Her accent really comes out now, and it sounds nothing like he’s ever heard before. 

 

He hates the cold in her voice. There’s nothing loving in her gaze and he feels scared. “What did they do to you, Harper?”

 

She grits her teeth and looks away. “Everything and nothing at all.”

 

“Not vague at all, Harps,” he sighs.

 

She visibly tenses. “It’s true.”

 

“Harps, you know that you’re safe now, right?” He slowly walks closer to her. “Paradis can’t hurt you here.”

 

She doesn’t relax. “They’re not who I’m worried about.”

 

He narrows his eyes. “What are you talking about?”

 

She glares at him. “I finished the mission,  _ William.  _ I have the Founding Titan. Now all that’s left to do is kill me.”

 

Harper never called him by his full name. Not even when she would threaten him. “Zeke’s still in Paradis. He won’t be back for another month, at least,” Will says. 

 

She shakes her head. “I’m still gonna die.”

 

He hates the truth in her words. “You have a month. A month to say goodbye.”

 

She doesn’t respond. 

 

This isn’t how he wanted this to go. She was supposed to return nine years ago, by the latest. She was supposed to be fourteen or fifteen when she came back. He was supposed to be a young alpha who hadn’t even hit puberty yet, much less adulthood. 

 

The woman who stands before him isn’t his sister. 

 

“Let’s go back home.”

 

~~~

 

“Will!” Queenie shouts when he walks back into his home. “What the heck was that for? You just ran out without a word!”

 

He smiles sheepishly. “Sorry, Queenie. I got news and it couldn’t wait.”

 

She huffs and puts her hands on her hips. “What exactly couldn’t wait-”

 

Commander Harper Victoria Dean Finley enters the room and she’s wearing her military outfit. 

 

“You remember my sister, right? Harper.”

 

Queenie nearly drops the mug in her hands, and she looks from Harper to Will and then from Will to Harper.

 

“She’s alive?” Queenie whispers. 

 

Will smiles widely, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “She came back this morning.”

 

Harper says nothing but simply looks around the house with blank eyes. 

 

“Harper, you’ll be staying in the guest room upstairs. Do you want me to take your bag?” 

 

Harper shakes her head and grips her suitcase a little tighter. “I got it.”

 

The couple leads her upstairs, and Queenie gives Will confused looks the entire way.

 

_ Is this the woman you claim to be your sister?  _ Her eyes seem to ask.  _ This isn’t the child soldier you told me about. The soldier we looked up to when we were young.  _

 

_ I don’t know _ . Will’s eyes reply.  _ I know nothing. _

 

“This is it!” Will says as he opens the door to the guest room. “It isn’t as posh as the rest of the house, but it’s cozy.”

 

Harper enters the room and looks around the pale blue room and white bed sheets. There’s a small desk facing the window and a lamp next to the bed. “It’s lovely.”

 

Queenie beams at Harper. “I’m glad you like it!”

 

Harper offers her a small smile, but a blind man could see the pain in her. She looks so lost and helpless, and she doesn’t even seem to recognize her own brother. 

 

The room is filled with an awkward silence for a moment, but then Queenie says, “Well, I’ll let you unpack and get comfortable. There should be hot water for a bath, and Will and I will be waiting for your downstairs.”

 

Harper nods and they leave her be.

 

“No one has ever come back,” Queenie murmurs. “Not besides Zeke.”

 

Will nods. “But it cost her.”

 

“What happened to her?” Queenie asked , sitting down at the dining table and looking to her husband with a concerned expression. “She looks awful, and her accent is so odd.”

 

Will shakes his head. “I don’t even know. We have to go to the Council tomorrow, so we’ll ask then.”

 

Queenie bites at her bottom lip worryingly. “It’s been fourteen years. What the hell happened to her in those fourteen years?”

 

Will shakes his head. “I don’t know. I don’t know anything. All I know is that the woman in the guest room upstairs is not the little girl who left me to go to war.”

 

“She smells like an alpha,” Queenie notes. “She smells like a caged animal.”

 

Will laughs bitterly. “I think she mated in Paradis.”

 

Queenie looks to him with a shocked expression and she puts a delicate hand over her mouth. “No.”

 

He nods. “She had a bite near her scent gland, and I think it’s a mating bite.”

 

Queenie shakes her head. “That’s not possible. She wasn’t supposed to.”

 

“She was supposed to come back ten years ago,” Will snaps. “Screw what she was supposed to do.”

 

“Language, Will…” Queenie whispers.

 

“She came back smelling like death and and an alpha and she has a fucking mating bite on her neck! I will cuss as I like-”

 

“William.”

 

Queenie and Will’s heads snap up to the figure at the top of the staircase.

 

“Don’t talk to your mate like that,” she says dully, her eyes looking somewhere on the top of Will’s head.

 

“Mate?” Queenie whispers.

 

Harper freezes and bites the inside of her cheek, hard. “I meant wife. It’s what they called partners in Paradis.”

 

“It’s barbaric,” Will whispers.

 

Harper says nothing as she walks down the stairs. “They’re a less advanced country. It’s only expected.”

 

The married couple has nothing to respond with.

 

“I’m going to the training grounds,” Harper says. “I need to get some things off of my mind.”

 

Without another word, she walks out of the house, closing the door quietly behind her.

 

“Does she even know the way?” Queenie asks quietly. 

 

Will looks to Queenie and then the closed door. “Crap.”

 

He runs after his sister, calling her name. He’s out of the door and out of the front lawn quickly, but Harper is already out of sight. 

 

“Harper!” He calls, and no one responds. 

 

A few people in the street look to him confusedly, but he ignores them.

 

“She’s going to get into places she shouldn’t,” he mutters.

 

He walks off in the direction of the Council Hall, hoping that Harper will be around that area. The streets are filled with car exhaust and chattering people, and there’s so much sound filling his ears. So many voices and footsteps, but none of them belong to Harper. She’s gone.

 

“Dammit,” he mutters, kicking a pebble angrily. 

 

He should go after her and keep searching, but he knows that Harper will be back by this evening. Hopefully. She’ll survive in this place.

 

~~~

 

Heavy panting fills the room, followed by thuds and quiet curses. 

 

A foot lands on the opponent, but the soldier doesn’t smile. 

 

“You’re kicking pretty hard, my god,” the opponent groans.

 

The soldier throws another punch square in the opponent’s chest.

 

“Fuck!”

 

The soldier doesn’t stop moving until the opponent is forced to yield.

 

“Okay okay okay! I yield, I fucking yield, ya bastard!” 

 

Harper stops and leaves Porco gasping on the floor.

 

“Your footing was off,” she murmurs.

 

Porco glares at Harper and mumbles, “My footing was off… fancy fucker with your footing.”

 

Falco laughs shortly from the sidelines,  trying to lighten the mood and stop Porco from killing Harper or vice versa. “Harps, you’re really something, you know?”

 

She looks bored. “Don’t call me that.”

 

“Huh?” He begins clambering to his feet and running to her side. “Harps? Okay, sure, but it’s just what your brother always calls you.”

 

She says nothing.

 

Porco sighs and puts a heavy hand on her shoulder. “Finley, you look like you’re about to fucking break. You need some sleep and food in your system. No one wants a cripple in the Legion.”

 

She scoffs. “I’m fine. I’m alive.”

 

Falco eyes her carefully. “Barely, Harps. You look like death itself, and your titan burns still haven’t healed.”

 

She touches her cheeks with a light hand, and she seems surprised. “So a crippled soldier beat you,” she says to Porco.

 

“Hey hey hey, I  _ let  _ you beat me,” he says. “You needed some small victory for a moment, and I gave it to you.”

 

“So generous.”

 

He laughs bitterly and sneers at her. “I know, right?”

 

Falco sighs and pulls at Harper’s hand. “Now come on, I know this sweet bakery, and they have the best crepes  _ ever _ , commander.”

 

Harper lets Falco drag her away from Porco, secretly craving some food.

 

They change in the same locker room - she reeks of alpha and Falco honestly doesn’t care. He still hasn’t gotten a rut yet, and while Porco bullies him for being ‘a late bloomer,’ he likes not having ruts. Ruts sound awful. While changing and wiping themselves down, he glances over - innocently, mind you - to ask her about what she likes to eat and stuff, but his eyes latch onto the angry red bite on her neck. And not like the whole ‘haha hickey’ bite, but in the ‘that’s a mating bite’ way. Barbaric things, mating bites. It’s just a sign of possession and barely anyone does it anymore. 

 

And his commander has one on her neck.

 

“Commander?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Um…” how does he put this lightly? “Is that a mating bite on your neck?”

 

She slaps a hand over her neck and doesn’t look at him. “It’s nothing.”

 

He raises a brow. “Sure. I don’t want to pry, commander, but a mating bite is kinda a big thing. You could… die if you’re separated from your alpha for too long.”

 

She laughs bitterly. “She’s dead, Falco.”

 

He blinks a few times and stares at her. “Sorry?”

 

She looks to him with the faint glimmer of playfulness. “I did exactly what the council told me not to do.”

 

He visibly pales. “You got mated to… to the Founding Titan?”

 

She nods. “And she’s dead now.”

 

“You… you went through red heat.”

 

It’s not even a question.

 

She nods again. “It’s a bitch.”

 

He laughs. He laughs loudly, doubling over and clutching his stomach, but the laughter is pained. “You mated to Fritz. You then killed Fritz. You went through red heat because of Fritz. And now… now you’re cracking jokes about how red heat is… a bitch.”

 

She shrugs. “I assume it’s not normal.”

 

He laughs again, shorter this time. “Did the Paradisians tell you that?”

 

She shakes her head. “Believe it or not, I was quite normal among the Paradisians.”

 

He raises a brow. “What, was it common to be a shifter titan who survived red heat?”

 

She freezes. “Not that. That part was something no one knew about. I meant my attitude and sense of humor.”

 

“Uh huh,” he says, nodding. 

 

They finish changing shortly after that, and they begin their trek to the legendary bakery. Falco tells her stories about what has changed since she’s left - nothing personal, mostly just about the buildings and schools and who has married who - and she diligently listens to him, occasionally commenting on something.

 

He purposefully stays away from anything about Will or about the titans that have changed, and he doesn’t mention anything about his new position. Well, he tries not to. But he wants to tell Harper everything, she used to be their big sister and all. 

 

“So I got to be a candidate for the Armored Titan, a while back,” he says a bit sheepishly. 

 

She says nothing and no emotion shows on her face. “Oh?”

 

He nods. “Yeah, I finally passed all of my tests, so I’m clear now. Porco’s the Jaw Titan now, ever since Reiner and Bert brought back the Jaw Titan, because apparently Marcel was eaten.”

 

She nods. “Of course. To ease the return without the Founding Titan.”

 

He narrows his eyes at her. “You knew?”

 

She looks to him with blank eyes. “About?”

 

“Reiner and Bertholdt,” he says. “You saw them over there?”

 

She nods slowly.

 

“Then why aren’t they back?” He asks. “They were supposed to return with the Founding Titan, but you’ve already done that so-”

 

“The Female Titan is still in Paradis,” she murmurs. “They’re getting her first.”

 

Falco bites at his top lip. “You didn’t help them?”

 

The ghost of a sad smile crosses her lips. “They are fully capable of doing what needs to be done.”

 

“Like you?”

 

She laughs shortly, but it’s bitter. It’s not real laughter. “I thought I did what needed to be done. But now I’m not so sure.”

 

“What do you mean?” He puts his hands in his pockets and apologizes to a woman who bumps into his shoulder. “What did you do?”

 

She looks up to the sky, wrapping her left arm around her waist and touching her neck with her right hand. “I sacrificed a lot of things.” She looks back down to the ground. “Some of them weren’t even mine to sacrifice.”

 

He mouths ‘okay then’ and quickly nods. “You and Will are having a meeting with the Council tomorrow, right?”

 

She nods. “The detailed report is tomorrow.”

 

They arrive at the bakery, and the smell hits their noses. 

 

“Ah, the sweet aroma of food!” He shouts. “Harps, you’re gonna love this place. It’s practically heaven!”

 

She offers him a small smile. “I’m used to a different form of heaven.”

 

He looks to her sweetly, but on the inside he’s confused. She’s so strange, even more so than when she first joined the Legion. She seems lost and her words seem far too dramatic, and you’d think you should pity her. But she looks like a feral animal with the way her eyes keep moving and how she never smiles. Her hair’s a mess and the tear-like burns under her eyes still haven’t healed. She’d be pathetic if it wasn’t for the armband she’s wearing, the one that marks her as a part of the Titan Legion. 

 

She’d be pathetic if she wasn’t the most dangerous person in the country. 

 

~~~

 

“She mated to the King?”

 

The young soldier standing in the room nods solemnly. “Yes.”

 

“Tch.” A dark figure moves in the shadows. “How is she alive?”

 

The soldier shrugs. “How would I know?” 

 

The figure sighs. “My little Harper has gone astray…”

 

“Why is it such a big deal that she mated to the King?” Porco asks. “She came back with the Founding Titan. She fulfilled her duty.”

 

“Not yet,” the figure tuts. “Not quite yet.”

 

Porco looks to her in confusion. 

 

“Zeke isn’t King yet,” she says. “And Harper hasn’t finished the mission until Zeke is King.”

 

Porco opens his mouth to speak but she interrupts him. 

 

“And Zeke needs to kill her quickly. She has the royal blood in her now, and it’s only a matter of time before she starts receiving the royal knowledge.”

 

“She has royal blood?” 

 

“When that bastard King bit her, she received some of their blood and powers. She is no longer a simple vessel. She could be King.”

 

~~~

 

“I’m home,” Harper says as she walks into the house at around 9:35, after dark.

 

William rushes to her and pulls her into a tight embrace.

 

“Where the hell were you?” He demands into her shoulder.

 

She pushes him away and she looks scared. “Out with Falco.”

 

He looks at her incredulously. “Falco?”

 

She nods. “Is it wrong to hang with him?”

 

He laughs shortly. “Since when do you hang with kids?”

 

“He’s not a kid,” she murmurs as she begins walking up the stairs.

 

“What?”

 

She pauses halfway up and takes a breath. “He’s not a kid. He’s fifteen. Older than I was when I left for war.”

 

“You were a kid when you left,” Will points out. “And he hasn’t even hit his first rut yet. He’s a ki-”

 

She sharply turns around and snaps, “Falco is  _ not _ a child.” Her eyes look like they’re glowing gold in the faint light, and they look terrifying. “You stop being a child the day you lose someone. He lost his family and a chance for a normal life. He’s not a child. He’s a warrior.”

 

Will is stunned by her first display of emotion since she’s returned, and the golden eyes boring into his skull feel terrifying. 

 

“I’m showering and then going to sleep. I’ll see you at the Council Hall tomorrow.” And with that, she’s gone and closing the bedroom door softly behind her.

 

Will falls down onto the nearest chair and he runs a hand through his hair. No one has ever returned like this. Reiner and Bertholdt came back quickly and they were harder and colder, but they weren’t like this. Zeke was practically the same when he came back. Harper… Harper has shattered into a thousand pieces which once made a soldier when put together. The darkness wraps around him and he’s reminded vividly of her eyes. Those were an animal’s eyes, and for some reason they’re in his sister’s skull.

 

“Something happened to her in Paradis,” Queenie murmurs as she walks out of the shadows and hugs Will’s head, pressing a kiss to the top of it.

 

Will sighs and leans into the touch of his sweet wife. “I know. Trust me, I know. But I’m just trying to figure out what.”

 

Queenie hums. “You said you saw a mating bite on her neck.”

 

He nods slightly. “She won’t talk about it, and I’m not even sure it’s a mating bite. She’s not stupid enough to spend her heat with someone and give herself away like that.”

 

Queenie says nothing for a moment. “Maybe she was forced,” she whispers, putting images of rape and assault into their minds. 

 

Will shakes his head. “She’s strong. She wouldn’t let anyone get close enough to her for that to happen. She’s a good soldier, as much as I’d hate to admit it. She’s good at what she does. Hence why they sent her out there for such an important mission.”

 

“Strong people can break, Will,” Queenie whispers. “And I think she’s broken.”

 

“I hope not,” Will murmurs back, pressing a kiss to the back of Queenie’s hand. “I truly hope that she’s still alive inside. The Council will be merciless to her. She has to be strong for that.” He rests his head on Queenie’s shoulder. “Otherwise who knows what’ll happen to her.”

 

~~~

 

_ “Eren!” Armin shouts, pushing him away. “You can’t just say things like that!” _

 

_ Eren pouts. “Why not?” _

 

_ Armin blushes furiously and looks at Eren from behind his hands. “What if Mikasa hears?” _

 

_ Eren cocks his head. “What, you scared she’s gonna get mad?” _

 

_ Armin groans. “Obviously! She likes you, like, a lot, Eren.” _

 

_ Eren shrugs. “So what. I don’t like her. I don’t need her to baby me all of the time.” _

 

_ Armin swats at Eren’s arm. “She doesn’t baby you. She’s just protective. You’re her best friend.” _

 

_ “But she babies me even more than she babies you,” Eren whines. “And it’s just because I’m an omega.” _

 

_ Armin scoffs. “No, it’s because she loves you.” _

 

_ Eren rolls his eyes. “Ew, love.” _

 

_ Armin gives Eren an incredious look also known as a bitch face. “You were literally just confessing your love for me less than sixty seconds ago.” _

 

_ Eren grins and gives Armin a peck on the cheek, instantly causing the younger blonde to nearly explode from the amount of blood that rushes to his head.  _

 

_ “EREN!” He whispers loudly. “Don’t just… do that!” _

 

_ Eren pouts again. “But-” _

 

_ “Ah ah ah.” Armin puts a finger on Eren’s lips, effectively silencing him. “No buts.” _

 

_ Eren pulls away. “But I like your-” _

 

_ “Don’t even go there, Eren,” Armin warns with a threatening finger. “I will tell Mikasa about your crush on me.” _

 

_ Eren narrows his eyes. “You wouldn’t dare.” _

 

_ Armin raises his majestic eyebrows. “I would.” _

 

_ Eren shakes his head. “You’d never-” _

 

_ “Hey Mikasa!” Armin shouts, and Eren lunges onto Armin and covers his mouth. “Eren… has a big… fat… crush…  on…” _

 

_ “Don’t finish that sentence,” Eren warns in a deadly octave. “I will kiss you.” _

 

_ Armin licks Eren’s hand and escapes his clutches. “So immature, honestly.” _

 

_ Eren sputters and vaguely motions to his licked hand. “Sorry?” _

 

_ Armin laughs and gives Eren a wicked smile.  _

 

_ “Eren?” Mikasa’s voice cuts in, and suddenly she’s opening the door. “I heard my name.” _

 

_ Eren pales and Armin rolls his eyes.  _

 

_ “He was tickling me so I was crying for help, but you’re too late. Sorry Mikasa,”  Armin lies smoothly. _

 

_ Mikasa raises an eyebrow but nods. “Get some sleep. Captain Levi wants us up at dawn for the meeting with Historia.” _

 

_ “ _ Queen _ Historia, Mikasa,” Eren corrects. “The little lady is gonna be a queen soon! Start treating her as such!” _

 

_ Mikasa rolls her eyes. “Go to bed. I’m not singing you a lullaby.” _

 

_ Armin laughs. “But your voice is so angelic!”  _

 

_ Eren shakes his head. “Sorry, Mikasa, but it’s really not. Please don’t sing.” _

 

_ Mikasa looks slightly offended but she rolls her eyes. “Goodnight, Eren.” _

 

_ “Goodnight Mikasa!” Amira shouts, and Eren tackles him back onto the bed. _

 

_ “Why can’t you just react properly to having my love being confessed to you?” Eren groans. _

 

_ Armin laughs. “Because, I have no idea how the diddly do to respond to that. I’m a beta, Eren. Don’t you want an alpha like Levi or Elliot?” _

 

_ Eren groans. “Levi and Elliot are fucking, so no.” _

 

_ Armin scrunches up his nose. “Don’t use such foul language.” _

 

_ Eren rolls his eyes. “Sorry, babe.” _

 

_ Armin blushes again and hits Eren with a pillow. “Don’t call me that!” _

 

_ Eren smiles and says nothing.  _

 

_ Armin groans and cuddles next to Eren, and Eren thinks that it’s because he’s craving the body heat Eren gives off. “Do you really love me?” _

 

_ Eren nods. “Always have, always will. You’re a cute little beta, everyone loves you.” _

 

_ Armin whacks him again. “I know my worth. But… do you actually love me… like that?” _

 

_ Eren cradles Armin’s face with a warm hand. “Of course.” _

 

_ Armin blushes again and moves into a more comfortable position to sleep in. “You’re so dramatic, Eren.” _

 

_ Eren smiles. “I know.” _

 

_ ~~~ _

 

_ She’s so small, the omega dancing right now.  _

 

_ Lithe, a bit underfed, but beautiful. She’s moving to the music coming from the three violins in the strangest way. She’s an amateur, obviously, but there’s a strange determination in her movements. She’s like a soldier.  _

 

_ Her eyes keep flicking to me, and it’s as if she’s begging for me to notice her. Her scent wafts through the room, and it’s like a drug in my nostrils; drowning me in a desire so base and animalistic. And she knows she’s doing it. She wants me to claim her.  _

 

_ After her dance she stares at me. This stare isn’t seductive like the rest. It’s cold, and it’s judgemental. She looks at me as if I am some weak creature, as if she was the hunter and I was the prey.  _

 

_ Darling, that is not how this world of ours works.  _

 

_ Of course I pick her, and the family is delighted. They’ve been waiting for me to finally pick a mate, and they’re glad I’ve picked an older but less mature omega. We have time before her heat.  _

 

_ Harper Finley looks at me with shy and teasing eyes when she speaks, but when she doesn’t speak, her eyes are cold and distant. That animalistic look fills her eyes and it’s worrying to see such a gaze in a child. She reminds me of faux diamond, so seemingly strong and beautiful, but I know that she will break easily. Those eyes have seen things even I haven’t.  _

 

_ Her small body fits against mine perfectly, and it makes me smile. We look good together, even if she does look like a mess right now. Her brown hair is mused beyond belief and her brown eyes touched with gold are outlined in the deep purple of restless nights. She could use some pampering, and I’m sure mother will be more than happy to. I know I will be. She’s beautiful, even like this.  _

 

~~~

 

Harper wakes up screaming, and the sound cuts through William’s bones and jerks him awake. 

 

Queenie shoots awake as well, and she looks to Will in fear. 

 

“Is that Harper?” She asks, not moving.

 

Will nods. “I think so.”

 

He scrambles off of the bed and runs towards the guest room which holds his sister. He throws open the door and his eyes land on the shaking figure in the bed. The smell of terror and stress fills his lungs, and he coughs because of it. 

 

“Harper…” he whispers, slowly walking towards her, trying to be as loving and non-threatening as possible. He’s tempted to plug his nose as nears the side of her bed, but he’s pretty sure that it’ll just aggravate her more, so he doesn’t.  She’s sitting there in the moonlight, clawing at her forearms, the armor growing into claws and cutting into her skin. She looks like a rabid animal, trapped in a cage he can’t see. “Harper, what’s going on?” 

 

She doesn’t respond and only clutches her arms tighter. 

 

“Harper, it’s okay, you’re safe…” he murmurs, and he slowly reaches out to touch her wrists, but as soon as his finger tips come in contact with her skin, she screams again.

 

“Don’t touch me!” She snarls, the sound echoing through the room and bruising Will’s mind. She’s backed against the wall and still clawing into her flesh, and her lips are parted into a not so silent growl. He sees blood reflecting the moonlight. 

 

Will raises his hands in surrender and he tries approaching her again. “I’m not going to hurt you, Harper.”

 

“Don’t fucking touch me,” she warns lowly, and her eyes glow in the faint moonlight. 

 

He doesn’t know what to do. Harper never had nightmares when she was younger, but whenever she was scared she always hugged onto either him or mom. She wouldn’t calm down unless someone was holding her. Now, she looks at him as if he’s the enemy or the nightmare she’s trying to escape.

 

“Harper, I’m trying to help,” he says slowly. 

 

“Ever consider that I  don’t want your fucking help?” She snaps. 

 

Will is frozen in the dark. He gets that she’s a battered soldier come home from war, but it shouldn’t be like this. Surely his mere presence shouldn’t warrant such… anger and such hate. What has he done to deserve this? “Harps, what do you want me to do?” 

 

She bristles and pushes up even harder against the wall. “Don’t call me that.”

 

He blinks. “Call you Harps?”

 

She grits her teeth and looks at somewhere behind him. “That’s not my name.”

 

“Fine. I’ll just call you Harper, okay?” He tries to put on the least threatening expression, like when handling the angry children at the orphanage. 

 

She doesn’t calm down, and he can see more blood running down her arms. “Just leave me alone,” she whispers.

 

Alone? Isn’t that the last thing people want when they’re scared? How can he leave her alone when there’s blood running down her arms and staining the bedsheets, when she looks like the definition of terror?

 

“Okay,” he whispers in a defeated tone. He can’t help her like this. Not when she wants to rip her own flesh apart and perhaps his as well. “I’ll leave you alone.” 

 

She relaxes a little and he’s relieved that her claws begin to retract. 

 

“I’ll be in my room if you need anything,” he says before slowly walking out of the room and closing the door behind him, listening to it click gently against the doorframe. 

 

He didn’t walk away just yet, but when he hears nothing from her room for the next few moments, he does. He walks back to his own room and doesn’t look at Queenie. What can he tell her?

 

“Was it a nightmare?” She asks softly. 

 

He nods. “Probably a flashback.”

 

“She didn’t want to talk about it?” Queenie whispers. 

 

Will scoffs slightly. “No soldier does.”

 

She nods in understanding and lies back down. “Come on, lets get some sleep.”

 

He finds himself nodding and burrowing back into his wife’s arms, but his mind is still in his sister’s room, watching blood pour from her wrists. 

 

~~~

 

“Harper Finley,” the council representative drawls. “Mission report.”

 

Harper stands in the middle of the Council Hall, and she looks much better than yesterday. Yesterday she was frazzled like a rabid animal and dressed like a runaway soldier in the midst of war, but today she isn’t the harsh reality of this war’s chaos. Today, Harper Finley is draped in the propaganda and lies of the war. 

 

Deep green uniform frames her once lithe body, her wide shoulders filling out the bust of her jacket and her strong legs standing firm in front of the Council and its witnesses. Her hair has been trimmed and tied back into a neat bun, and the fatigue has been wiped off her face, now replaced with a smirk and confident eyes. 

 

The soldier standing before the council is a warrior scared of jack squat. 

 

Harper speaks with a strange accent, but her words and choice of language are those of Eldia. She was deployed from Eldia when she was thirteen to reclaim the Founding Titan, and within two months she located the family hiding it. She joined a local dance group which had close ties with the family, and through their she became the Founding Titan’s heir’s betrothed. She had communicated with Gale Farther and Winn Smith to plan the seizing of the Founding Titan on the day of Frieda Reiss’ Titan inauguration, and all went to plan until she hit her heat - suspected to have been triggered by Frieda’s titan injection and transformation. 

 

She was rendered helpless in her heat and Frieda mated with her in that heat, trapping her in Frieda’s clutches. 

 

She developed a new plan to take the Founding Titan, but the Attack Titan took it first. The death of Frieda triggered Harper’s red heat and she survived because of the titan injections given to her. During her heat, Winn and Gale were killed by Kenny the Ripper and she was left half dead in the underground safe house. 

 

Two of the underground’s citizens found her in the safe house without her memories, and they nursed her back to health and took her into their pack. She spent three years with them and joined the Paradisian army, specifically the Scouting Legion. She then spent the next ten years as their soldiers in the war against the titans, and she had none of her memories during this time. 

 

Little snippets of her life were given back to her as she went through those ten years, but nothing concrete was made. She encountered Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover, and the conversations with them seemed to spark even more memories returning to her. After she transformed into a titan and discovered the identity of her dead mate - Frieda Reiss - she received the rest of her memories and made a new plan to retake the Founding Titan, who was in Eren Jaeger, the son of Grisha Jaeger, the Attack Titan who stole Frieda. 

 

She then came home with the Founding Titan, and now stands before the Council. 

 

The Council nods in approval at the end of her story, and one of them says a few words about her bravery and loyalty to Eldia even after losing her memories and spending thirteen years with the enemy. 

 

Harper smiles sweetly at the Councilwoman who praises her. 

 

“Zeke Jaeger will return in the next month, and you have until then to pass on the Founding Titan,” the Head Councilwoman declares, her eyes boring into Harper. “But I am confused as to why you did not return with him, Braun and Hoover. You encountered them, did you not?”

 

Harper bows her head slightly. “I didn’t believe them when I first spoke to them, ma’am. And once my memories were returned, I didn’t see them again. They still have a mission there, however. The Female Titan is in the hands of the Scouting Legion, and they have to retrieve her before coming home.”

 

The Head Councilwoman sneers disappointedly. “We’ll send for Zeke alone, then.”

 

No one notices Harper’s small sigh of relief. 

 

“You have a month to say your goodbyes before the ceremony,” another Councilmember says. “Then you give yourself to your country.”

 

Harper nods, but there’s a rebellious glint in her eyes. No one catches it for the majority of its life span, but then the Head Councilwoman does.

 

“Do you have something to add, Commander Finley?”

 

A few swear words go through Harper’s Head. “No, ma’am.”

 

The woman sneers. “Are you certain? Are you not nervous to die for your country?”

 

This strikes a chord in Harper. “Only Zeke can carry the Founding Titan’s memories,” she says. “I am a mere vessel to bear it to him.”

 

This satisfies Head Councilwoman. “You are correct, my child. Now, all dismissed.”

 

The small crowd leaves the room and a few remain to speak with Harper.

 

“Why do you look so smug?” Will asks quietly, frowning at his strange sister. 

 

She laughs shortly. “They think I’ll burn for my country. They’re right, I will burn for my country. But not in the way they think.”

 

Will raises a brow. “Harper, are you okay?” He puts a hand on her shoulder and she flinches away from him, shoving his hand off. 

 

“I’m fine,” she says, suddenly cold. 

 

They leave the room and head back home, but Elliot is smiling on the inside. 

 

When she burns, she’ll be burning for Paradis, and not for Eldia. She’ll be burning for grey eyes and red hair and gentle smiles. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So basically my excuse as to why everything is so chaotic in this chapter is that Harper’s life at the moment is chaos. Nothing makes sense and it’s supposed to reflect her state of mind, I guess? Because her mind is her world and right now her world is chaos.


	2. Blood of the Innocents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly flashbacks and Harper making a very important decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *now edited a tiny tiny bit I promise Chapter three will be here soon*
> 
> I know this is really long and super choppy but it’s slowly coming together. I need to give context and background stuff before I lay on the heavy plot and... *continues to make excuses*
> 
> WARNINGS:  
> \- descriptions of self harm, and it’s fairly vivid. 
> 
> But anyways I hope you enjoy.

My fist connects with his shoulder, missing his jaw. 

 

_ I’m a fucking idiot. _

 

I throw another punch and try sweeping his legs from underneath him. 

 

_ One. _

 

A block.

 

_ Giant. _

 

A kick.

 

_ Fucking. _

 

A slam.

 

_ Idiot. _

 

A breathy groan in pain.

 

Now, you may ask why I am an idiot.

 

Why?

 

I’ll tell you why.

 

I was under the impression that I could handle the past and that everything would be the same as it once was. I’m was under the impression that I could handle seeing William’s face and that I could handle the council. I thought that life would be simple again and that I could find some sense of identity before Zeke fucking eats me.

 

Ha!

 

As if.

 

Newsflash, the identity crisis is still going on. 

 

Everything in Eldia is so familiar, but it’s really not. I remember the streets I used to run down as a child, and I walked down them today, but they aren’t filled with the same emotions and people. The atmosphere is darker and the pedestrians look at me with something like hatred. Disgust. Fear, potentially. 

 

Porco throws another punch at me, and it collides with my side. Fuck, that hurts. 

 

That’s right, I am no longer a revered soldier in Eldia. I’m a dead one, once named Harper Finley. A mere vessel for Zeke to use to become King; a cog in the machine of war. 

 

I think they’ve always looked at me with the same eyes, though. I was just too young to fully realize that their stares weren’t off awe, but of shame. Porco seems to believe the Council’s lies, but most people don’t. Most people hate the Titan Legion, thinking that we’re no better than Paradis, because believe it or not, propaganda doesn’t always work. The people’s knowledge is limited and they can only see what the Council shows them, but they have a basic moral compass. They know that what the Council does is wrong. They can tell that everything they are fed are lies. Empty promises of victory and pride.

 

Porco puts me in a chokehold.

 

And this truth has come crashing down on me in the span of a day or two. 

 

I’m naive, I know that much. I have the maturity of a thirteen year old, since I only had thirteen years worth of memory. Even when I got all of my memories back, it wasn’t the same. I got back thirteen years worth of the same amount of maturity, and sadly the math doesn’t add up to twenty six years of maturity. 

 

I’m just stuck with thirteen.

 

Which is bullshit. 

 

But anyways, that is how the cookie has crumbled for me. 

 

Now, I’m back in Eldia and I have about… a month to live? I think it’s about a month. A month or less, since Zeke has made the trek between Eldia and Paradis multiple times. He’s used to crossing and ocean or two and then traveling through wastelands filled with titans. 

 

Unlike me.

 

But I still made it back to Eldia within a month. Twenty eight days and a half, something like that, if my counting was right. It could be wrong, but it doesn't really matter, does it? I’m still going to be dead within a month if I comply with the Council.

 

If. 

 

I thought I was going to. I spent half of my travels to Eldia thinking that I would. See Will again, and then say goodbye. But… oh that fateful but… I might not. I don’t want to die, believe it or not. I’ve still got questions to be answered and people say goodbye to. A corrupt government to overthrow and a Queen to honor. 

 

I escape Porco’s chokehold, and I slam my shoulder into his middle, toppling him over.

 

And I have some more fucking memories to figure the fuck out. 

 

It’s great, really. It started halfway through the trek back to Eldia, and I thought it was just the classic ‘hallucinating in the desert’ shit. Yeah no, it’s not that. 

 

It started with glimpses of life from Eren’s point of view, and those were fine. I kinda enjoyed the little slices of his life, most of them revolved around the little beta boy, anyways. Armin is one cute little fucker and I don’t blame Eren for being head over heels for him. Some of them were darker, yes, some self hate, self harm, angst about his titan, but he always pulled it together in the end. He’s got a strong resolve, Eren. He’s got the guts to do whatever he needs to do to survive. And it was kinda nice, living someone else’s life while I dragged my tired ass through the desert towards my death. Eren has a purpose in life and he’s got people who love him. Strange people, but lovable people. Minus Ackerman. She’s a nightmare who is in no way lovable.

 

Porco hits me with a particularly nasty hit, and Falco winces from the side. Pft, you get in here and fight this bitch, don’t wince for the pain you don’t even feel.

 

But then the glimpses of life weren’t from Eren’s point of view anymore, and instead they were from Frieda’s. I kept dreaming about flowers and endless fields and blue. So much blue. The world was framed in blue and everything was simple. The line between good and evil was defined perfectly and no one questioned her beliefs. She was flawless in her memories. A flawless alpha who loved her family donned in blue.

 

Brown started filling her memories, however, and it wasn’t the usual boring brown eye color that everyone complains about. No, these eyes were brown, but they glowed gold in the sunlight. Brown hair fell in an endearing way and brown freckles spotted a single cheekbone. Someone moved like a strange soldier through the fields, donned in brown and red. A richer, more earthy color filled this person, and they radiated like the sun. Golden, like the sun. Frieda often thought about how this person moved, and the atmosphere of her protective nature framed the girl in her memories. She seemed willing to do anything to protect and keep the girl happily dancing in the fields. 

 

It took me a while to figure out that the girl dancing was me. 

 

I had honestly forgotten that I did that in the fields. Once upon a time, I would get lost in the lulling rhythm of the wind blowing over the tall grass and wheat stalks, and I’d dance to it. Dance doesn’t seem like the right word, but it’s the word Frieda used. Really, I was just swaying back and forth and humming some strange melody under my breath. But she apparently loved it when I did that, and she loved how peaceful and content I would seem.

 

_ I will protect you. You will never have to be scared again. _

 

Ironic, thinking that she was trying to protect me from fear, when in the end she became the one thing I fear above everything else.

 

Porco beats me in our first round, and I snarl softly as I taste copper on my tongue. 

 

“Again,” I hiss, and Porco spits out blood before raising his fists again. We’re titans, so our injuries don’t bother us too much.

 

I think that if I had met her outside of the context of the war between Eldia and Paradis, I would have liked her. She’s beautiful, so beautiful, and she’s strong, and kind, and firm in her beliefs, and loving. She makes stupid jokes to try to make me laugh, really stupid jokes, trust me, and she did everything to try to make me happy. I was cared for, loved, and she understood my pain and tried to comfort me for it. She was there for me if I needed her. 

 

I needed her in my time in the underground, and her memories and the ghost of her touch kept me warm at night. I’d dream about her and wake up feeling blissful, and I thought that Levi was like her. I thought I saw Frieda in Levi. So when I needed him, it felt like I needed her. 

 

But even if I actually needed her - like that fateful night my virginity was lost - I never wanted her in reality. I never wanted to grow close to the woman I would have to kill. I never wanted to give everything I have to the woman I would have to kill. I never wanted to wear her mark and call myself a Reiss when I had to kill her entire family. I never wanted that. Who would? Not even the monsters of the Council would take joy in killing something they grew to love. My memories of her were blissful until the moment I remembered she was my mission.

 

So I took forced delight in deceiving her, forced delight in pretending to love her, pretending to be the perfect little omega housewife. I took forced delight in playing with Historia on the sunny days and forced delight in the late evening garden naps. I forced myself to hate the way Frieda touched me and the way she looked at me in the softer moments of our mock love. I didn’t love her. She was everything that broke me and she took me in the worst way. I wasn’t supposed to love her and she wasn’t supposed to love me. My only purpose in life was to kill her. Nothing more. Nothing less. 

 

Porco slams his fist into my temple and I fall.

 

~~~

 

About four days before I reached Eldia, I got another flashback from Frieda:

 

_ “You’re beautiful,” I whisper into her ear, blissfully touching her skin. “My omega, so beautiful.” _

 

_ Harper whines under me, pushing her hips back into mine and I shudder as her heat envelops me.  _

 

_ “Omega,” I rasp. “My omega.”  _

 

_ She doesn’t speak, but instead whines loudly and I hold her, hoping my embrace will comfort her.  _

 

_ “I’ve got you,” I whisper. _

 

_ “Alpha,” she whispers, and her whole body shakes. “Alpha, help me. Help me.” _

 

_ Fuck. Fuck, she’s so fucking beautiful. I press a hand against her stomach and lift her off the bed and against my chest. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” _

 

_ She shakes against me and the smell of arousal is tinted with fear.  _

 

_ “Baby, I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” _

 

_ She shakes her head and whines again as slick flows down her inner thigh.  _

 

_ “Help me.” _

 

_ I try purring against her, hoping to comfort her with my smell and sound and presence, but she still shakes. She shakes in my arms and I see tears running down her face.  _

 

_ “Help me.” _

 

_ The only thing that changes her whines into blissful ones is the lovemaking, but it barely keeps it at bay. Mother said something about omegan mood swings when they get their heats, and I think that Harper is having them but worse, since her heat was delayed.  _

 

_ “I’m here for you,” I whisper during one of the worser moments. “I’ll help you.” _

 

_ She doesn’t stop crying until the only thing she can say is ‘alpha.’ _

 

It wasn’t much, mostly just glimpses and the overall feeling of how my heat went for her, but I didn’t take it well when the memories came flooding into my mind. Not at all. And you wanna know why? I didn’t fucking take it well because Frieda knew I was upset. She knew something was wrong. And you wanna know what she did? She blamed it on hormones. She didn’t blame it on actual pain that I felt outside of my heat, she blamed it on my stupid horniness that caused me to have her dick up my ass. 

 

The emotions you feel during your heat aren’t false. It’s real. Sure, the horniness and willingness to fuck anything isn’t usually felt in our day to day lives, but that’s just a biological notification in your head and loins. You won't go running to your worst enemy during your heat because you still hate your fucking enemy during your heat. You hate them more than usual, actually, because everything you feel during your heat is just normal you, just times five thousand. Hate is amplified, love is amplified, stress is amplified, fear is amplified. You don’t fuck an omega in heat when they’re emotionally unstable. In both Eldia and Paradis, you don’t touch a stressed out omega in heat unless you’re the one person they trust above all others. You could break them beyond belief and there’ll be years of counselling and pain to follow. 

 

And guess who fucked me when I went through my emotionally unstable heat? 

 

Frieda Fucking Reiss, my mission. 

 

I get that I lied to her and that she thought I trusted her. I get that. I do. But she knew I was scared. She knew I was in pain. She knew I was a wreck and she still fucked me. She didn’t even fucking ask. Not before or during my heat. She just barged in like the high and mighty alpha she is and she took everything away from me.

 

I shouldn't hate her. She didn’t do anything wrong. She’s the outcome of her upbringing. I lied to her and manipulated her and tried to kill her. I’m no better.

 

But I still hate her for scarring my entire soul and ruining my life.

 

Okay, she didn’t ruin my life. She’s not the primary reason. Not the actual reason. No, the reason my life is  _ shit _ , is because of the  _ fucking Council _ . The council of cold blooded murderers who send children off to war and turn them into man-eating monsters. 

 

So, I have come to conclusion that I want my fucking revenge and I want the Council removed from the equation called my life. I want them out of the picture and I was to watch the Head Councilwoman shiver and fear as I burn her country to the ground and make my family proud. Isabel and Farlan’s deaths will be avenged, and I think that’s a nice cherry on the top.

 

But here comes the tricky part: actually removing the bastards from the equation. 

 

I’m no politician. I know jack squat about these types of things. I’m a soldier, someone who was bred to follow orders till the end and never question my superiors. I guess that’s kinda linked to why the Council wanted an omegan titan. Omegas were bred to submit. But as a soldier, I know how to fight. And I can get a  _ big _ fight started. I just have to wait until Zeke shows his ugly beard and then the Council will be having a  _ blast. _

 

I am not some shitty omega who knows nothing but submission. 

 

~~~

 

I rise to face Porco again, and I can’t stop the venomous hisses escaping me. 

 

Now I’m in Eldia again, facing the Council. I’m here, supposedly submitting to their will and their lies. But I’m not. I won’t. I’m stronger than this and I’m stronger than them. 

 

So I fight. Fighting helps me cool my head and kick ass at the same time. There’s beauty in violence, and especially when I’m kicking the shit out of some arrogant jackass who thinks they’re worthy of the Jaw Titan. And it lets me regain some vague idea of controls do power. I’m good in a fight, and I know that I’m good. I can beat someone and win, and it’s satisfying, being able to come out on top for once instead of submitting. I hate submitting. 

 

I will never submit again, and Porco Galliard will be the first to taste my wrath.

 

~~~

 

“I’m home,” I say as I walk into the house at around 9:35, after dark.

 

William rushes to me and pulls me into a tight embrace.

 

“Where the hell were you?” He demands into my shoulder.

 

I push him away. “Out with Falco.”

 

He looks at me incredulously. “Falco?”

 

“Is it wrong to hang with him?” I ask nonchalantly, trying to make sure that I don’t accidentally admit to beating the shit out of Porco to ‘cool off.’

 

He laughs shortly. “Since when do you hang with kids?”

 

“He’s not a kid,” I murmur as I begin walking up the stairs.

 

“What?”

 

I pause halfway up and take a breath. “He’s not a kid. He’s fifteen. Older than I was when I left for war.” Older than I was when they fucking destroyed my soul.

 

“You were a kid when you left,” Will points out. “And he hasn’t even hit his first rut yet. He’s a ki-”

 

“Falco is  _ not _ a child,” I snap. The kid is young, yeah, he’s a kid, but that doesn’t give William any reason to patronize him like this. “You stop being a child the day you lose someone. He lost his family and a chance for a normal life. He’s not a child. He’s a warrior.” A warrior of Eldia who grew up all too soon.

 

William says nothing, and I’m fine with that. Let him be confused. He doesn’t feel the shit the Legion has felt.

 

“I’m showering and then going to sleep. I’ll see you at the Council Hall tomorrow.” 

 

I shower quickly, scrubbing off the grime and sweat and filth. The bed is small and really fucking fluffy, and it’s like a cloud. Hopefully a nice summer cloud and not a thundercloud to plague me with nightmares. I don’t want to see Frieda in my dreams anymore.

 

~~~

 

_ “Harper?” _

 

_ Harper - my precious idiot - fell of her horse today, and she refused any sort of bandages for her bruises and scrapes, insisting that she would be fine. I tried - both mother and I tried - but nothing could convince her, and Harper is stubborn when she wants to be. So we ended up not treating her, but I’ve kept her in the library with me to rest before going out. _

 

_ And yet when I woke up from my nap, Harper wasn’t in my arms and her scent was barely there. _

 

_ “Harper, where are you?” I call again, and there is no response.  _

 

_ Gritting my teeth, and I search the library for her and find nothing. I search the house and find nothing. I check the stables, and her horse is missing.  _

 

_ Oh my Harper, why do you have to be like this? _

 

_ I saddle up my own horse and begin searching the grounds near the house, calling for Harper, but I find nothing. It’s as if she’s vanished from the face of the earth, and a small part of me begins to panic. Nothing could have happened to her, right? The fields are relatively safe, and there were enough workers around to stop and help if she fell. She’s safe, she has to be.  _

 

_ “Harper!” _

 

_ I ask every farmer I see in the fields, but none have seen her. Absolutely none. Where is she?  _

 

_ “Miss?” One of the younger farmers calls me. _

 

_ I ride over to them quickly. “Yes?” _

 

_ It’s a young beta boy, and he’s got light sunburn on his cheeks. “Are you looking for Miss Harper?” _

 

_ I nod eagerly. “Have you seen her?” _

 

_ The boy hesitates, but he nods. “She came riding this way, and she was going really fast. I don’t know where she was going, but she went that way.” He points east, and I mentally facepalm. Of course she’d go to Historia. She doesn’t know why I have to always be there with Historia when we visit. She’d think it’s safe to see Historia without me.  _

 

_ “Thank you,” I say quickly to the boy, and he gives me a small smile as I ride off to Historia’s cabin.  _

 

_ It doesn’t take me long to arrive, and when I do, I see Harper’s horse tied to the fence and her brown hair in the distance. There you are.  _

 

_ I walk quickly, hoping she hasn’t done anything too foolish with Historia, but when I see the pair, I stop. They’re laying there in the fields in the shade, side by side, and Harper is moving her hands in the air as she explains something. Her face is scrunched up and she seems a bit angry, but Historia is giggling next to her. Harper seems to be telling a story, I realize after she makes a very dramatic movement with her hands, seeming to mimic a sword of some sort. She seems completely enveloped in the role she is playing in her tale, and I see a wicked grin on her face. She freezes for a moment, and I worry that she smells me, but she then springs up and faces Historia.  _

 

_ “And so I said, YOU AIN’T HAVING THE PRINCESS YA PIECE OF SCHNITZEL!” Harper suddenly yells, shaking her fist at the sky, and Historia breaks down laughing, clutching her chest and I hear her squeals from here. “I AM THE THIRTEENTH KING OF THESE LANDS, AND I AIN’T HAVING SOME BAKA TAKING MY PRINCESS FROM ME!” _

 

_ Harper raises her fists and bounces on the balls of her feet, jumping side to side in front of Historia, and Historia’s lost in laughter.  _

 

_ “SO YOU GONNA HAVE TO FITE ME!” Harper yells, and she throws some punches at an invisible foe before jumping up and kicking in a quite elegant manner.  _

 

_ “Harper, I can see your underpants!” Historia yells, and Harper makes a big show of gasping and pushing down the folds of her skirts, covering all of her legs.  _

 

_ “You vile creature!” Harper declares, pointing a finger at Historia. “I’ll have your laughter, I will!” She throws herself at Historia with a proud ‘ah ha!’ and begins to tickle her without mercy. _

 

_ “No!” Historia shouts, screeching loudly. “Mercy! Mercy!” _

 

_ Harper laughs deeply and doesn’t relent. “This is what you get for tryna steal my princess and peeping up my skirt!” _

 

_ They roll around in the grass for a few moments before Historia gains the advantage and sits on Harper victoriously. _

 

_ “I win!” She declares, and Harper groans in defeat. _

 

_ “Fine! Ya got me,” she declares, but she looks happy.  _

 

_ Historia giggles and lays back down next to Harper, cuddling to her side. She whispers something into Harper’s ear, and the atmosphere turns more serious. Harper says something quietly to Historia, and whatever she’s saying has enraptured the young girl. Her big blue eyes expand in awe and childish wonder, and Harper murmurs secrets I could never hope to know. Harper has never looked so happy and vivid before, and even from here I can see the gold flickering in her eyes as she gives Historia small bits of joy. She looks like a mother with her child, radiant with love. Something in me twists at the look on her face, and I’m not sure exactly what it is. Anticipation, perhaps? An eagerness to see that same face with our children? To see Harper so happy with our own children?  _

 

_ Historia frowns at one point and asks something quickly, and Harper hangs her head in what I hope to be laughter.  _

 

_ “… titans…” Harper murmurs, and I freeze. _

 

_ Titans? What are they talking about? Surely Harper isn’t scaring Historia with stories about the titans?  _

 

_ Historia doesn’t look scared, but rather intrigued. She asks Harper a seemingly intelligent question and Harper shrugs. Her answer is nonchalant and Historia seems fairly satisfied by it. What on earth could they possibly be talking about? _

 

_ My horse whinnies quietly, but it’s loud enough for Historia and Harper’s heads to snap up and face me. I’m caught.  _

 

_ Harper jumps up quickly, and instead of brushing off her skirt or making herself decent, her stance turns predatory and her arm is extended to protect Historia.  _

 

_ “Harper?” I see Historia mouth, and Harper seems to suddenly come to her senses and her arms drop to her sides. _

 

_ “Sorry,” I see her reply. “I forgot where I was.” _

 

_ Historia says nothing and I begin making my way over to the pair. Historia looks sad, as if she knows what comes next, and Harper regains that blank look on her face. The love seems to drain from her and something in me breaks at that.  _

 

_ “What are you doing here?” Harper asks me, her stance still protecting Historia slightly.  _

 

_ I narrow my eyes. “You weren’t there when I woke up, so I came looking for you.” _

 

_ “Oh,” Harper murmurs, turning her head away and not meeting my eyes. “I’m fine.” _

 

_ I nod. “I know that. But I didn’t know that earlier.” _

 

_ Harper grits her teeth. “Well I’m fine now. You don’t need to baby me.” _

 

_ “I know,” I say as I walk closer to her. “But is it wrong to worry for you? To want to protect you?” _

 

_ She doesn’t respond at first, a strange expression on her face. “No. I guess not.” _

 

_ I smile slightly. “I just want to protect you.” _

 

_ She snorts. “From what? The big scary titans? The most dangerous thing in these fields is me, for Maria’s sake.” _

 

_ I shrug, but Harper seems to have regretted something she said.  _

 

_ “Something wrong?” I ask. _

 

_ She shakes her head. “No. I just wanna stay with Historia for a little longer.” _

 

_ Historia nods fiercely next to her, and who am I to deny them that? “Okay. We’ll stay for a little longer.” _

 

_ Harper continues to tell stories of Kings and Queens and Titans to Historia, but none with the same passion as before. She’s colder and more controlled, but her face still lights up with a fainter version of that radiance from before. She still looked to Historia with this purity and love and kindness in her eyes, and it warms my heart. She’ll be a beautiful mother one day.  _

 

_ We head back a little before sundown, and Harper notices the blank look on Historia’s face after I kiss her forehead.  _

 

_ “Why do you always do that?” Harper asks on the way back. _

 

_ I sigh deeply and purse my lips. “Is it wrong to kiss my sister like that?” _

 

_ Harper frowns and grips the reigns more tightly. “She forgets us when we leave her.” She looks to me with accusatory eyes that reek of fear. “Why?” _

 

_ I sigh. Uncle gave me a small bit of his power to erase memories, so I can use them with Historia, but do I tell Harper this? Is she ready for the truth about the titans? “You’ll know one day,” I sigh. “I promise.” _

 

_ She snorts quietly and mutters, “Sure. One day.” _

 

_ The rest of the journey home is in silence, but I break that silence once we’re back in our room. I won’t ask her about why she ran - not yet, at least - so I guess I’ll try to let her know that I’m not mad.  _

 

_ “You looked really happy with Historia,” I comment as we change into our nightgowns.  _

 

_ She shrugs nonchalantly. “I love that kid to pieces, what can I say?” _

 

_ I smile. “You’ll be a great mother for our children.” _

 

_ She freezes and I worry momentarily if I’ve said the wrong thing. “Harper?” _

 

_ She shakes her head and continues putting on her nightgown. “Nothing.” _

 

_ I raise a brow. “You sure?” I near her and place my hands on her shoulders, and she visibly tenses. “Hey, I’m not pushing you into motherhood or anything,” I say soothingly, running my hands up and down her arms. “It’s just that, when you’re ready, I know you’ll be great.” _

 

_ She relaxes slightly, but her expression is bitter.  _

 

_ “Hey,” I murmurs, pulling her into my arms. “Let’s get some sleep.” _

 

_ She nods. _

 

_ We crawl into bed and I hold her in my arms, cradling her frail body that knows so many things I don’t. Harper never talks about her past, but I know she’s seen terrible things. I can see it in her eyes, the way she blanks out in the strangest times. I know that she lies to me, but I still trust her. I trust her to stay with me, and I trust her to know that I love her. I’ll protect her from whatever nightmares she can’t face alone. She’s my wife, and I will die protecting her. _

 

~~~

 

_ “You’re so beautiful,” he whispers after the first wave of his rut. _

 

_ I raise a brow at him. “You sure? We’re covered in sweat and other bodily fluids I won’t even name. My hair’s a mess, your hair’s a mess, so I’m pretty sure we don’t look so pretty at the moment.” _

 

_ He scoffs and smiles softly as our hands intertwine. “That’s your opinion. I think you look beautiful.” _

 

_ I roll my eyes. “That’s the rut talking.” _

 

_ He shrugs. “Maybe, but only because I’m a fucking coward outside of my rut.” _

 

_ “Potentially,” I admit. “At least when it comes to all things social and nice.” _

 

_ He laughs shortly. “You’re so cruel.” _

 

_ I shrug. “I am spending your rut with you, so I don’t think I’m that mean.” _

 

_ He nods and scoots closer to me. “Agreed.” _

 

_ I boop him on the nose and he tackles me into the bed in retaliation. Which is unfair, mind you. A boop does not equal such a violent attack. But I’m not complaining, because this attack is mostly kisses and loving touches, and I’m slowly getting addicted to his touch. We kiss again and I feel the heat rising in his body, drowning him in lust. The warmth spreads through us, and I feel it swirling through my own mind.  _

 

_ He’s right, in the end. In this mess we’ve made, with our sweat and desire curling around us, we’re somehow beautiful. He’s beautiful as he pants against me, begging in pleasure and giving pleasure. He’s so beautiful as his spine curves and eyes flutter shut, his hair sticking to his forehead. This fire swallowing us whole is beautiful, and I’ve never felt more loved. In his embrace and in his warmth, I’m drowning in everything beautiful. This is what it means to be human. This is how a human was born and designed to love. This is the most sacred part of a life, because this creates life. _

 

_ Even if I can’t create life anymore.  _

 

_ But with Levi, all of that is forgotten. He doesn't care that I can’t have children. He doesn’t care that I hid my sex from him for years. He doesn’t care about the pain I hold in my soul, because some of that pain is shared with him. We are the same creature writhing about in bed, creating something beautiful. I am beautiful in his arms. I am beautiful in his eyes. I am beautiful with him. It’s been so damn long since I’ve felt beautiful, both on the inside and the out.  _

 

_ His hands are hot against my skin, but it’s even hotter inside of me. It’s hot everywhere. My soul feels like it’s burning in drowning in this desire and I can’t get enough. I want more. More of Levi, more of myself, more of this pleasure that keeps building in me. It’s building and building and when was the last time I felt pleasure like this? I can’t even remember. I can’t even remember the last time I allowed myself to love someone like this. The last time someone loved me like this. _

 

_ “Elliot,” he whispers as we both chase the climax of this fire.  _

 

_ “Levi,” I gasp, pulling him even closer. “Alpha.” _

 

_ He kisses me with frantic and sloppy kisses, clutching at anything. “Elliot.” _

 

_ I grasp at him, drowning. The pleasure is building and building and building and I want more and more but then suddenly I’m falling.  _

 

_ I’m falling and suddenly this warmth isn’t loving anymore, and I can’t see Levi. I can’t see Levi and I can’t feel anything. _

 

_ Frieda. _

 

~~~

 

_ She’s so small, the omega dancing right now.  _

 

_ Lithe, a bit underfed, but beautiful. She’s moving to the music coming from the three violins in the strangest way. She’s an amateur, obviously, but there’s a strange determination in her movements. She’s like a soldier.  _

 

_ Her eyes keep flicking to me, and it’s as if she’s begging for me to notice her. Her scent wafts through the room, and it’s like a drug in my nostrils; drowning me in a desire so base and animalistic. And she knows she’s doing it. She wants me to claim her.  _

 

_ After her dance she stares at me. This stare isn’t seductive like the rest. It’s cold, and it’s judgemental. She looks at me as if I am some weak creature, as if she was the hunter and I was the prey.  _

 

_ Darling, that is not how this world of ours works.  _

 

_ Of course I pick her, and the family is delighted. They’ve been waiting for me to finally pick a mate, and they’re glad I’ve picked an older but less mature omega. We have time before her heat.  _

 

_ Harper Finley looks at me with shy and teasing eyes when she speaks, but when she doesn’t speak, her eyes are cold and distant. That animalistic look fills her eyes and it’s worrying to see such a gaze in a child. She reminds me of faux diamond, so seemingly strong and beautiful, but I know that she will break easily. Those eyes have seen things even I haven’t.  _

 

_ Her small body fits against mine perfectly, and it makes me smile. We look good together, even if she does look like a mess right now. Her brown hair is mused beyond belief and her brown eyes touched with gold are outlined in the deep purple of restless nights. She could use some pampering, and I’m sure mother will be more than happy to. I know I will be. She’s beautiful, even like this.  _

 

~~~

 

_ Beautiful.  _

 

The heat is crawling through my body, and it reminds me of black tar, drowning me. 

 

It’s not a fire - I’d prefer a fire in my blood - but it’s a molten wax sucking in my body, covering it with a sickly warmth that others get addicted to. Is this the desire that the others crave and get drunk on? 

 

The animal in me knows that this is their drug, and I scream as it drips into my own veins, tainting me with its black touch. I scream as I feel the warmth building in my flesh and I claw at my skin - at anything - trying to get rid of the wax covering me. Their drug is a numbing one, tearing you from your soul and from your mind and smothering you in the waters of base desire. The wax covers your nerves and traps you in your own body, so you can feel nothing but its hypnotic warmth. 

 

It’s so warm, too warm, but it’s not hot. It’s not a fire. It doesn’t burn me and scar me and it doesn’t cut into my skin, shedding my blood that proves that I am awake. It covers me in black and I feel the sweat rising in every awful crevice of my body, and the smell of my own flesh and body is nauseating, cruely reminding me that I am human and that I am the same as the animals in the tar crying out in pleasure. The smell of human rises from my skin and I scream again as it plugs my nostrils and drowns my lungs in the sickly sweet drug the others like to call pleasure. 

 

_ You’ll be a great mother for our children. _

 

I don’t want to drown.

 

_ You’re so beautiful. _

 

I don’t want to drown.

 

_ She looks like a mother with her child, radiant with love. Something in me twists at the look on her face, and I’m not sure exactly what it is. Anticipation, perhaps? An eagerness to see that same face with our children? To see Harper so happy with our own children?  _

 

I don’t want to drown.

 

_ His hands are hot against my skin, but it’s even hotter inside of me. It’s hot everywhere. My soul feels like it’s burning and drowning in this desire and I can’t get enough. _

 

I see the wrong faces - Frieda’s smiles and laughs and blissful expressions - and I feel my body reacting the wrong way and I scream again.  _ Stay away stay away.  _ I scream and I scream until my throat should be raw and bleeding and cutting into my soul, but it doesn’t. The wax clings to my skin and drowns me and so does the warmth and the smell. 

 

I feel the ghost of a touch I once dreamed about, about Frieda’s caring touch that comforted me in my time in the underground, but that touch has morphed into a nightmare and I scream again. Some of these hands belong to Frieda, some to Levi, and some are mine. They all linger in my skin and knead into my flesh and they creep into my body and I hear their voices cooing into my ears, whispering the words I once whispered to myself. I see their faces and see their bodies, and I can’t escape. I keep feeling their touches on my skin and I scream at every single one. 

 

_ Don’t touch me don’t touch me I said don’t fucking touch me.  _

 

But it’s not just their hands and their whispers. The wax covers my eyes and the animal in me plays puppet master with my body. It’s my words and my hands and my warmth and my body and it’s my fucking animal.

 

I feel the ghost of a child in my arms, and I scream again. I don’t want this. I don’t want to bind myself to an alpha. I don’t want an alpha to touch me or to mark me or to claim me. I don’t want anything to do with them. I am my own person I am my own person and I don’t deserve them.

 

I hear a child laughing and feel Frieda’s embrace.

 

“NO!” I scream, grasping at my own arms and screaming as I feel the heat from Frieda rising in my blood. Desire is made to create offspring and I don’t want children. I don’t want to feel the heat and the lust and the pain and I just want the heat to leave me. 

 

_ Rip. _

 

The wax hesitates.

 

_ Rip. _

 

I feel fire.

 

_ Rip.  _

 

I hear a small rip, and the wax recedes from that patch of skin. 

 

_ Finally.  _

 

There are tears running down my face, and they remind me of the days I can’t tell what’s real and what isn’t. The tears tell you pain, but tears are so often romanticized, aren’t they? Pale tears golden tears blue tears clear tears beautiful tears. It’s all a part of the waxen fantasy and it lulls me back into the warmth.

 

_ No. _

 

Another drip and the stinging relief. 

 

I use a sharp pen to write out my salvation and the lifeline I chose. I write in red, and my skin is my canvas. Lines, simple plain lines, bloom on my skin and red buds blossom along them, spotting where the blue and red run. The wax is forgotten and the stinging relief burns my skin and throws me back into reality.

 

Pain isn’t a part of the heat. The heat numbs all of your senses and traps you in its lies. This isn’t a lie. Pain isn’t a lie. 

 

Blood drips down my arms and I feel the after effects of the heat in my body, but my mind begins to clear. My soul awakes, and the animal has been stabbed over and over and over again, even if it refuses to die.

 

I look down at my arms and thighs, watching the red flow down like little rivers from the shallow cuts in my skin. They swell a little and form little bumps along my skin, but they’re beautiful. They look so cleanly cut and sharp; clear and defined and burnt into my skin. They look real. 

 

The fluid dripping down my legs feels real, and it crawls down my skin and creates a flicker of faces and voices. 

 

I carve another river into my skin, a little deeper this time, and I shiver as the blade of my claw is dragged across and into my skin. It feels so real, but it’s so clean. It isn’t ripping apart my body and making it inhuman, but it simply decorates it and reminds me of reality. I carve my reality into my skin, line by line until even the ghost of my sins has been forgotten. 

 

I hear scrambling from downstairs, and I tense. I forgot that I’m not alone. I’m not alone and he’ll see me like this and he’ll ask questions.

 

Will throws open the door and his eyes land on me. The smell of terror and stress fills the air - trust me, I can tell - and he coughs because of it. 

 

“Harper…” he whispers, slowly walking towards me, trying to be as loving and non-threatening as possible. I dig my claws into my arms and try to keep the nightmares at bay. He reeks of alpha and my brain and body is responding in all of the wrong ways. “Harper, what’s going on?” 

 

I don’t respond and only clutch my arms tighter. 

 

“Harper, it’s okay, you’re safe…” he murmurs, and he slowly reaches out to touch my wrists, but as soon as his finger tips come in contact with my skin, I scream. 

 

“Don’t touch me!” I snarl, the sound echoing through the room. I’m backed against the wall and still clawing into my flesh, and my lips are parted into a not so silent growl. I feel trapped and everything feels so wrong, the heat still ringing in my blood, slowly growing at the smell of an alpha in the room. The animal raises its ugly head and I hiss and snarl at anything.

 

Will raises his hands in surrender and he tries approaching me again. “I’m not going to hurt you, Harper.”

 

“Don’t fucking touch me,” I snarl.

 

“Harper, I’m trying to help,” he says slowly. 

 

“Ever consider that I don’t want your fucking help?” I snap. 

 

Will is frozen in the dark, looking hurt. Good. Feel hurt. Feel a fraction of the pain and fear that’s coursing through my veins. “Harps, what do you want me to do?” 

 

I push up even harder against the wall. “Don’t call me that.”

 

He blinks. “Call you Harps?”

 

I grit my teeth and focus my eyes on the window behind him, refusing to meet his eyes. “That’s not my name.” I am not some child that needs to be comforted.

 

“Fine. I’ll just call you Harper, okay?” He tries to put on the least threatening expression, like when handling the angry children at the orphanage. 

 

“Just leave me alone,” I whisper, digging my claws into my skin, trying to keep the heat at bay.

 

That seems like the last thing he wants to do, but he surrenders to my wishes. “Okay,” he whispers in a defeated tone. “I’ll leave you alone.” 

 

I relax ever so slightly. 

 

“I’ll be in my room if you need anything,” he says before slowly walking out of the room and closing the door behind him, listening to it click gently against the doorframe. 

 

I slump back against the wall and I cry softly. An omega’s duty in life is to raise children and love their alpha. I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want to be bound to an alpha and raise their children and live the life Frieda wanted for me. 

 

But at the same time, it’s something I want so badly that it hurts. I want someone to lean on and I don’t want to be alone. I used to crave that heat and I used to crave someone’s touch. 

 

But I can’t have any of it. 

 

~~~

 

“Levi,” Hanji whispers. “Levi, wake up. Erwin wants to see you.”

 

Levi doesn’t move. 

 

Hanji sighs and sits next to Levi on the cot that smells faintly like Elliot. He’s honestly asleep, and Hanji doesn’t want to wake him up. It’s been days since he’s properly slept. But, some  _ douchebag _ named Erwin wants to speak with him.

 

She brushes a strand of inky hair out of Levi’s eyes, and she smiles sadly at the blank expression on his face. He looks so peaceful while sleeping, but he looks exhausted. Bags hang under his eyes and he looks like he hasn’t eaten in days. She knows that he hasn’t slept in days. 

 

“You poor baby,” she murmurs to Levi. “You poor baby.”

 

Elliot’s death was a sudden and small thing. No one panicked that much when Elliot went missing, and Levi rolled his eyes and swore a few times about her running off when she wasn’t supposed to. Erwin got together the situation with Historia and nearly hugged her for delivering the killing blow to Rod Reiss, and Levi and Eren went looking for Elliot. It was no big deal. People were cracking jokes that Elliot fell asleep while fighting, or saying that she was lurking in the shadows trying to scare Levi or Eren. Her absence was barely noticed.

 

They looked for a few hours before they found the dog tags and what was left of the body. 

 

“What the hell happened,” Eren had whispered, staring in shock at a leg with dog tags attached to them. 

 

Levi didn’t say anything, merely picking up the tags and looking at them with a breaking expression. 

 

“Who’s leg is it?” Eren asked, walking over and trying to peer over Levi’s shoulder to look at the tags.

 

Levi’s expression remained blank and he clutched the tags tightly. “Elliot.”

 

Eren froze. “What?”

 

Levi said nothing, looking to the ground with a tired expression. 

 

“Levi? She’s not… dead, right? This couldn’t even happen, Rod was the only titan and she couldn’t have lost her legs like this. This has to be some sort of-”

 

“Then explain this,” Levi murmured. “Explain the tags and explain the fucking legs. We found a few bodies, what does one more make?”

 

Eren stared at Levi. What difference does it make? “This body is Elliot’s!” He whispers. “Because this is…”

 

“Another friend lost in the war,” Levi murmured. “It’s nothing more.”

 

“This is so much more than that!” Eren shouted. “Sure, it’s another dead friend on the list, but just because we’ve lost so many doesn’t mean we can just brush it off. This is  _ Elliot!”  _

 

“So?”

 

Eren was tempted to smack his lance corporal right there and then. He really was. How dare he act so high and mighty as if he was above death and loss and pain. How dare he. Eren stepped forward to say some very offensive and strong words, but he stopped when he saw the way Levi held onto Elliot’s tags. His face was blank and calm as always, but his hands were shaking. Shaking so subtly but shaking nonetheless. 

 

Heartbreak shows itself in many different forms. With Eren, it’s rage. With Levi… Eren isn’t sure. Maybe this is it. The silent screams and shaking hands. Overlooked pain. 

 

“Levi,” Eren whispered. 

 

Levi looked to Eren with dead eyes that have seen the loss of a thousand soldiers and his entire family. “What?”

 

Eren couldn’t find the words. What was he supposed to say?

 

“We found Elliot,” Levi murmured, looking to her tags and tracing her name with a shaking finger. “Let’s go back to Erwin and Historia.”

 

Eren nodded. He couldn’t do anything else. She’s gone, and they can’t do anything about it. They went back to the palace in silence, both mourning the same girl. Eren had silent tears running down his cheeks and Levi had nothing but shaking hands and silent screams running through his head. 

 

“Levi!” Hanji shouted when they arrived back at the palace. “Did you find her?”

 

Levi said nothing and simply handed the tags to her.

 

Hanji took the tags in confusion and looked at them with scrutiny. “Where is she?”

 

Neither Eren nor Levi answered her. 

 

“Where is she?!” Hanji hissed. “Where the fuck is our Elliot?”

 

“How the hell would I know?” Levi whispered. “She could be in heaven or hell for all she’s done. I don’t know which one she picked.”

 

Hanji bit into her fist. “This isn’t what was supposed to happen. She’s alive, she has to be fucking alive we just won for fucks sake!” Hanji shouted the last part. “Historia is about to be made Queen and Elliot is dead?! Dead?! She can’t fucking be dead!”

 

“Hanji!” Levi shouted, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her quivering body. “She’s dead.”

 

Hanji stopped moving as the tears begin flowing. “No. She can’t be. She’s not supposed to be dead.”

 

Levi’s expression didn’t change. “She’s gone.”

 

Now, Hanji watches as her stupid friend breaks into a thousand pieces as the nightmares haunt him. “You poor baby.”

 

There’s a small knock on the door and Eren pokes his head in. “Erwin really really really needs to speak with Levi.”

 

Hanji looks to Levi’s sleeping form and sighs. “Tell Erwin he’s busy sleeping.”

 

Eren nods quickly. “Yes ma’am,” he says before running back through the hall and away from Hanji and Levi.

 

“You poor baby.” 

 

She won’t let anyone hurt him. Levi needs time to mourn the last member of his family. 

 

~~~

 

“Why the fuck didn’t you wake me up?!” Levi snarls at Hanji when Erwin himself comes down to wake Humanity’s Strongest Soldier up. 

 

Hanji scoffs. “You were sleeping like a babe for the first time in days! I was blessing you!”

 

Levi snarls at her and quickly ties his cravat. “Fucking moron. We are in a war, you know.”

 

“Yeah. I know. Trust me, I know,” Hanji says. “I know we’re in a war because we have lost too many damn people to it. I know we’re in a war.”

 

Levi glares at her. “So you know we can’t stop until we’ve won. People are just going to keep on dying.”

 

“And we have to move past their deaths,” Erwin adds from the doorway. “We can mourn them when the war is won.”

 

Levi nods while Hanji stares incredulously at Erwin. “You heartless bitch.”

 

Erwin says nothing. 

 

“How dare you tell us to just move on after the death of one of our best soldiers,” Hanji whispers. “How dare you. If you won’t think about our fucking souls then think about the strategic shit you love so much! Lance corporal Kingston is dead, so consider how that affects the war.”

 

Erwin shrugs and motions for Levi to follow him down the hall. Hanji follows them both closely and Erwin sighs as she glares at him, demanding for him to say something. 

 

“She wasn’t one of our best soldiers,” Erwin says in an almost bored tone. “She was a mediocre soldier and the only reason she rose through the ranks is because she was good at following orders and because Levi brought her up with him. Her death won’t change our chances of winning the war.”

 

Hanji doesn’t have the words for a moment, the words harsh and cruel enough to insult Erwin after what he just said. Elliot was a good soldier, if not a legend like Levi. Sure, people said she was famous by association, but Hanji begs to differ. She was good with people and knew how to lead. She did everything she needed to do to rise, and she was one of the few people Levi actually liked. However, in Erwin’s eyes, she knows that she was just another pawn lost in the game. Levi is Erwin’s queen on the chess board, and Elliot was nothing. A ghost of a soldier tied to Levi. 

 

“Don’t talk about her,” Levi murmurs as they walk in silence. 

 

Erwin and Hanji look to him in surprise. 

 

“It doesn’t matter what she was like as a soldier,” Levi continues. “She’s gone and we have to move on. The war continues.”

 

Hanji bites at her lip and accepts it. Erwin nods, satisfied, and they continue with all things political and strategic. 

 

~~~

 

Levi becomes a puppet of war, a knight under Historia and Erwin’s rule. A beautiful creature made of stone and ice slinks through the halls of Historia’s palace, and he snarls at all those who dare oppose him. He walks with light footsteps, gliding across the courtyards as a ghost, the world at his feet. 

 

But the world is ashes around him, and the war is a pitiful distraction from the pain lurking in his chest. The blood and the screams and the titans and the strategies and the deaths are all hopeless and small distractions from the lurking dread and fear in his heart, but they are his drugs. He runs to them in a frantic state, silently screaming and killing and blissfully breathing as the red covers his life and makes him forget just how much he has lost. 

 

Reiner and Bertholdt are monsters, horrible cruel monsters, and he takes delight in the chase for their deaths. The bruises on his skin and cuts on his hands reminds him of the reality he lives in, and he struggles to stay awake so the nightmares don’t come for him. He flies through the air like a morbid ballet dancer, blood falling from his figure like cherry blossoms in spring. Reiner and Bertholdt rise and fall in their fights, and Levi shows no mercy. They are the enemy in this war and he will take great delight in ripping their bodies to shreds. 

 

Hanji has made Thunder Spears to take out Reiner and Bertholdt, but of course they do limited damage. Reiner and Bertholdt are trained soldiers bred to kill, and their puppet master lurking in the distance is no better. The soldiers cut them down again and again and Levi destroys the titans the Beast Titan sends after them, but it does nothing. They’re still losing and the nightmares still call for Levi.

 

No mercy. 

 

No mercy for the bastards that killed her.

 

The Beast Titan falls under Levi’s blade, and he jams the tip of it into Zeke’s mouth and numbly watches at his cheeks are ripped. 

 

_ Are you the one who killed her?  _

 

Levi watches with dull eyes as Zeke struggles.

 

_ Did you take her away from this cruel world?  _

 

Zeke escapes.

 

Reiner escapes.

 

Bertholdt falls.

 

Armin lives.

 

Erwin dies.

 

_ I’m sorry.  _ Levi isn’t sure who he’s apologizing to.  _ I’m so sorry.  _

 

Erwin is dead, but his dream lives on in Armin. Armin has the youth and the fire for Erwin’s dream, so Levi makes the heartbreaking decision. Armin is given the Titan Serum and consumes Bertholdt, gaining the Colossal Titan and living to see another day, another god forsaken day.

 

_ I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.  _

 

Who is it he’s even saying this to? Erwin? Elliot? The world? 

 

Himself?

 

~~~

 

_ “Someone has a crush on Annie!”  _

 

_ “Reiner SHUT UP!”  _

 

_ Reiner laughs loudly and pushes Bert’s shoulder teasingly. “You like Annie~” _

 

_ “Yes I do, now can you please shut up?!” Bert whispers frantically. “She could hear you!” _

 

_ “And that’s a bad thing?” _

 

_ Bertolt nearly screams in frustration. “Yes!” _

 

_ Reiner shrugs. “Nothing will ever happen if she never finds out. You will never have the chance to kiss her beautiful lips and hold her omegan body in your embrace-” _

 

_ Bert groans. “By Ymir, will you please be quiet I want to live to see the next day if she finds out she will kill me or someone or anyone and I’m not taking any chances.”  _

 

_ “Fiiine,” Reiner relents, but not entirely. “But I want something in return.” _

 

_ “What could you possibly want?” _

 

_ Reiner grins at his best friend. “A kiss!” _

 

_ “Haha very funny,” Bert says without emotion, turning away and focusing on the cobblestone courtyard. _

 

_ Reiner laughs and brushes of the cold reaction. It’s not like Reiner likes Bert or anything. Bert is a fellow alpha, he could never love Bert like that for multiple reasons. First, it's illegal. Second, Bert likes Annie and Annie probably maybe has a small tiny crush on Bert (according to Harper). Third, Bert his best friend, and he doesn’t want to lose him, _

 

_ Reiner can’t love Bertholdt. _

 

_ “Reiner!” Harper shouts, jogging over and giving the pair a bright smile. “I need to go talk to Madam, so could you guys spar with Annie while I’m gone?” _

 

_ Bert lights up as red as a cherry.  _

 

_ “Yes, ma’am!” Reiner explains proudly, saluting Harper. _

 

_ Harper laughs and looks to Reiner, embarrassment flushing her face. “Please, no need to salute. I’m barely older than you guys.” _

 

_ Reiner shrugs as he drops his arm. “You’re almost Commander.” _

 

_ Harper rubs the back of her neck and smiles gently. “Yeah.” _

 

_ Bert and Reiner jog over to Annie with smiles on their faces, but for very different reasons. Bert is admittedly happy and excited to spar with Annie, and Reiner is just teasing Bert and hiding a bit of the pain. But what does he know of pain? He’s just a kid who hasn’t even received a titan yet. Still a child who knows nothing of the world and its secrets. _

 

_ Bert lets Reiner spar with Annie first, and they collide fiercely. Annie is a special person with a frown permanently embedded into her expression, and Reiner never really saw the attraction Bert felt towards her. She’s pretty, yeah, but she’s also a bit of a jerk. Is Bert really that shallow?  _

 

_ Annie throws a merciless punch at Reiner’s jaw, and he’s too slow to dodge it. Her fist slams into his bone and he’s falling to the cold stone ground.  _

 

_ “Reiner!” Bertholdt distantly yells, and suddenly Reiner is being cradled by Bert.  _

 

_ Reiner feels the pain climbing in his jaw and lacing through his nerves and bones, but the tears collecting in his eyes are the worst. He isn’t supposed to be like this. He’s supposed to be strong. Unbreakable, like Harper and the Armored Titan. He winces as he clenches his jaw, and he digs his nails into his palms as he tries to keep the tears at bay. He’s stronger than this.  _

 

_ “Reiner?” Annie murmurs, and Reiner shoves open his eyes at this. He won’t be weak in front of her. He’s stronger than Annie. He is the one worthy of Bertholdt's love. He’s been there for Bert since they joined the Legion. He is the one Bert leans on and goes to to cry, not her.  _

 

_ Sunlight nearly blinds Reiner’s eyes but he keeps them open. _

 

_ “Reiner!” Bert exclaims, hugging Reiner delicately.  _

 

_ “I’m fine,” Reiner croaks out, even if the words stab into his bone with every movement. Dear Ymir, Annie really can punch.  _

 

_ Bertholdt breathes a little sigh of relief, but Annie looks at Reiner with unbelieving eyes. Is she going to call him out? Point out the tears forming in the corners of his eyes? _

 

_ “You should go see the nurse, just in case,” Annie murmurs. “I punched you too hard.” _

 

_ Reiner is tempted to say no, but his jaw really hurts, so he ends up nodding. _

 

_ “I’ll take you there,” Bert says, supporting Reiner as he stands. “You could have hit your head while falling, and I don’t want you getting hurt any more.” _

 

_ Reiner smiles at the idea of more time with Bert without Annie, but he doesn’t want to feel weak. He wants to be the one Bert depends on, not the other way around. Reiner is strong.  _

 

_ “I’m okay. You keep sparing with Annie, and I’ll be back soon enough.” _

 

_ Bert narrows his eyes. “You sure?” _

 

_ Reiner nods and cracks a smile. “I’m not that weak, I’ll be back in a jiffy.” _

 

_ Bert laughs a little, and Reiner’s heart warms at the sound.  _

 

_ “Who even says ‘jiffy?’”  _

 

_ Reiner shrugs. “Me.” _

 

_ Bert gives him one last smile, and then he’s walking back to Annie and Reiner is walking to the nurse’s office. Stupid Annie.  _

 

_ The nurse informs him that his jaw isn’t dislocated, but that it’s been bruised badly and that he’ll have to be very careful with it. He nods numbly at each instruction she gives him, and when she mentions Madam, he instantly stands up and yells, “no!” _

 

_ “Sorry?” She asks, looking so politely confused. _

 

_ “Ah… um… please don’t tell Madam. I’m fine. Really,” he says. “This won’t stop me from doing any of my studies, so she doesn’t need to know.”  _

 

_ The nurse raises a brow. “Are you sure? That punch dealt out a good amount of damage, Mr. Braun.” _

 

_ He laughs halfheartedly and mentally curses Annie and her perfect punches. If she gets him in trouble with Madam he swears that he will kill her- _

 

_ “I’m fine,” he says. “Really.” _

 

_ The nurse looks like she doesn’t believe him, but she thankfully lets it slide. “Be careful, Mr. Braun.” _

 

_ Reiner nods and gets up from the chair, quickly bowing to her in thanks. “Thank you.” _

 

_ She nods and he runs back to the courtyard, wanting to see Bertholdt and wondering if Annie is giving him any special treatment or something. That’d really suck. _

 

_ Of course, though, Reiner runs right smack into Harper, and she makes a little ‘oof’ sound when he does. _

 

_ “Reiner! You okay?” She says as they steady themselves, clutching at each other’s shoulders.  _

 

_ He nods quickly, but the movement does hell to his jaw, and he winces. _

 

_ “What happened?” She asks, reaching out to gently touch his cheek. “Did Annie punch you?” _

 

_ He laughs coldly. “How did you know?” _

 

_ “She punched me earlier, and trust me, it hurts like hell,” she says, and she absenmently rubs her jaw.  _

 

_ He narrows his eyes at her. “When?” _

 

_ She laughs. “Like, five minutes ago. That’s kinda the reason why I called you guys over…” she admits. “I needed some time to cool down and deal with the pain. Did you guys not see the tears in my eyes? She’s got one mean punch.” _

 

_ Reiner shakes his head. “But you look fine now!” _

 

_ She shrugs. “I have my titan, so I heal more quickly.” _

 

_ That’s right. Titan powers allow quicker healing, and even limbs can grow back after being cut off.  _

 

_ “Wow,” he says quietly. “It must be nice, having your titan already.” _

 

_ She shrugs. “It has its benefits, but…” she trails off with a sad look on her face, but she shakes her head quickly and the expression disappears. “It doesn’t matter. You’ll know everything soon enough.” _

 

_ He nods and laughs. “I wish I’d pass my stupid exams already and get my titan.” _

 

_ She doesn’t laugh. “Careful what you wish for, Reiner. Titans are monsters, after all, and you might not like being one.” _

 

_ Her words ring around in his head for the rest of the day, and for the rest of his life.  _

 

_ Harper is sent off to war in a few months, and she becomes the gem of the Council. The Lunar Titan. The King’s Vessel. She will be the one to regain the Founding Titan and she will grant the most important victory in the war against Paradis. She will win us the war.  _

 

_ The Council becomes colder and colder to the Legion after Harper leaves, and Reiner finds himself clinging even more tightly onto Bertholdt. Annie becomes colder and more distant and more focused on the war and their training, so Bert returns to Reiner in defeat. Reiner will never admit how happy he was when Bert finally picked him over Annie, but it still hurt to see Bert so sad over it. _

 

_ “You know that I’ll be here for you forever, right?” Reiner asks one night when they’re on the roof past curfew. _

 

_ Bert smiles softly at his best friend. “I know.” _

 

_ Reiner grins widely and bumps Bert’s shoulder affectionately. “Good.” _

 

_ Harper goes missing, and the entire Council is enraged. Bertholdt, Reiner, and Annie are chosen to go forth and retake the Founding and Attack Titans, and they finally receive their titans. Dressed in white, they each stand before their titan’s current vessel, titan serums in hand. This is where their humanity is lost and they become monsters for the war. Annie is the first to inject her serum, and gold bursts around her as she transforms for the first time. Her titan is consumed and she stills once the spinal fluid has rushed into her system. Bertholdt looks to the scene with dull eyes, no fear in his eyes, and Reiner prays that he looks the same. He is strong, the strongest of the Council after Harper left. He won’t cry and break over the death of someone he barely knew. He’s a warrior. He’s strong.  _

 

_ He goes next, and the serum in his blood feels like fire, burning away his humanity. He doesn’t wake until he has consumed the previous owner of the titan and turned back into a human, and when he awakes, it’s Bert holding him in his arms, burn marks on their cheeks and tears in their eyes.  _

 

_ They’re sent off to Paradis with Marcel, and Reiner clings onto Bertholdt the entire journey. Marcel is the oldest out of the four, but Reiner holds the most power. He’s the strongest.  _

 

_ Marcel dies from a rogue Titan, and Reiner takes up the mantle he leaves behind, and he keeps telling himself the same thing over and over again.  _

 

I am the strongest. 

 

~~~

 

“Harper? You ready?”

 

I sit there in full uniform, staring out of the window. Smoke billows out of the cars and drifts down from the sky from the blimps in the sky. People rush about the streets and their voices reach my ears in chaotic harmony, creating the music of an everyday life. Children march to school and adults go to work, all oblivious to the pain of this war. No, they’re no oblivious. They see the war machines and they see our titans. They know that their children are being trained to become soldiers and they can smell the war brewing not only between Eldia and Paradis, but within Eldia itself. Chaos is being woven into our bones, and I smile softly. This is how I will bring down Eldia and the Council.

 

Chaos.

 

“Harper?” William asks again, and I look over to him and stand.

 

“I’m ready,” I murmur, brushing past him and going down the stairs to see Queenie waiting for us at the door. 

 

Today the Council judges me.

 

The drive to the Council Hall is silent except for Queenie’s comments here and there, and William tries to respond to her to start a conversation, but it all falls flat. Probably because I’m here, and my presence is like the plague. I’m not a war hero. I’m the damaged big sister who barely acknowledges her brother. 

 

We arrive at the Hall a few minutes before the briefing, and Porco rolls his eyes when I arrive at a time he deems late. Screw you, Porco. 

 

He tells me to wait in the back room, and William and Queenie go join the witnesses. I ask Porco to leave me in the room, and while he looks suspiciously at me, he complies, telling me to keep an eye on the clock and actually show up on time. Pft. 

 

I sit there in the cold wooden chair and I put my head in my hands. 

 

I have to be perfect in there, absolutely perfect. My tale needs to seem honorable and believable in the eyes of the Council. One wrong move and they imprison me until Zeke comes back home. One wrong move and the Council keeps control of the chaos.

 

I fall into parade rest in front of the Council, the position soothing me. The lighting is familiar to me, and the smell of the dusty Hall is comforting. The pledge to Eldia is easy and rolls of my tongue like honey, and I find myself being lulled back into the rhythm of military life. I respond to their commands with nostalgic ease, and I find myself smiling. This is familiar. This is who I once was.

 

I speak with ease, drifting into the language I used when I was a child of Eldia. I tell the story of how I was deployed, the details of my mission and my allies within Paradis. I tell them how I joined a local omegan dance group who had ties with the Reiss family, and soon enough, I became a part of the Reiss household as the intended mate of Frieda Reiss, the heir to the Founding Titan. The plan was going smoothly and perfectly and victory was in my grasp.

 

Then the curse of my own biology brought about my downfall, throwing me into a premature heat the night Frieda received the Founding Titan. I was at a strong disadvantage and Freida spent my heat with me and I woke up mated to her. I explain my suspicions about the triggers for my premature heat, briefly elaborating about omega biology and Freida’s own sudden increase in alpha hormones after the initial Titan transformation. 

 

I villainize Frieda, and a part of me is satisfied by how my words tear her image apart, painting her with horns and a cruel smile.

 

A new plan was made, but that plan was destroyed as well when the Attack Titan - something I believed to be out of my control because Eldia had already deployed soldiers to retake the Attack Titan - killed Reiss and took her. The death of Frieda sent me into red heat but I managed to stay in control of myself long enough to kill all witnesses and the entire Reiss family. Kenny the Ripper killed Gale and Winn when I was in red heat, and I only survived because Kenny ignored the smell of death I held and because of the titan injections I gave myself to boost my alpha hormones and counter the omegan ones.

 

Two underground citizens found me half dead and without any memories, and nursed me back to health, adopting me into their small pack consisting of two alphas and one omega. With my ability to control my scent, I pretended to be an alpha in order to hopefully rise through their society. I spent three years with them and joined the Paradisian army, specifically the Scouting Legion. The next ten years of my life was spent as a Paradisian soldier without any memories of Eldia.

 

But little snippets of her life were given back to me as I went through those ten years, but nothing concrete was made. I encountered Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover, and the conversations with them seemed to spark even more memories returning to me. After I transformed into a titan and discovered the identity of my dead mate - Frieda Reiss - I received the rest of my memories and made a new plan to retake the Founding Titan, who was in Eren Jaeger, the son of Grisha Jaeger, the Attack Titan who stole Frieda. 

 

I then came home with the Founding Titan, and now stand before the Council as a soldier for Eldia. 

 

The Council nods in approval at the end of my report, and one of them says a few words about my bravery and loyalty to Eldia even after losing my memories and spending thirteen years with the enemy. 

 

I grin at the Councilwoman who praises me, playing the role of the perfect little soldier.

 

“Zeke Jaeger will return in the next month, and you have until then to pass on the Founding Titan,” the Head Councilwoman declares, her eyes boring into md. “But I am confused as to why you did not return with him, Braun and Hoover. You encountered them, did you not?”

 

I bow my head slightly. Make it believable. Don’t lie to much, just twist the only necessary details. Make it real. “I didn’t believe them when I first spoke to them, ma’am. And once my memories were returned, I didn’t see them again. They still have a mission there, however. The Female Titan is in the hands of the Scouting Legion, and they have to retrieve her before coming home.” It’s mostly true.

 

The Head Councilwoman sneers disappointedly. “We’ll send for Zeke alone, then.”

 

I sigh slightly, trying to hide my smile of relief. They’ll send Zeke alone and he’ll die at my hands alone.

 

“You have a month to say your goodbyes before the ceremony,” another Councilmember says. “Then you give yourself to your country.”

 

I nod, and the smirk on my face emerges ever so slightly. They’re right, in a way. I will give myself to my country. But my country isn’t Eldia.

 

“Do you have something to add, Commander Finley?”

 

Fuck, she saw. “No, ma’am.”

 

The woman sneers. “Are you certain? Are you not nervous to die for your country?”

 

Oh ho ho how fucking dare you. You know nothing about sacrifice. Nothing. “Only Zeke can carry the Founding Titan’s memories,” I say. “I am a mere vessel to bear it to him.” Propaganda and lies that have been sowed into my head ever since I was a child.

 

This satisfies Head Councilwoman. “You are correct, my child. Now, all dismissed.”

 

The small crowd leaves the room and a few remain to speak with me.

 

“Why do you look so smug?” Will asks quietly, frowning at me. 

 

I laugh shortly. “They think I’ll burn for my country. They’re right, I will burn for my country. But not in the way they think.” Why am I telling him this? Have I finally gone mad?

 

Will raises a brow. “Harper, are you okay?” He puts a hand on my shoulder and I flinch away from him, shoving his hand off. 

 

“I’m fine,” I snap, trying to banish the memories of my nightmares. I imagine blood from my skin instead, and it comforts me a little. I have control over myself. I have control over myself.

 

We leave the Hall with a few more words, and I smile as I do. I’ve made my decision. When I burn, I’ll be burning for Paradis, and not for Eldia. I’ll be burning for grey eyes and red hair and gentle smiles. 


	3. The Revolt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harper fights the Council

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii I know it’s been ages please don’t hate me I did say that I was going to be updating a lot slower than TBK. I’m going to edit this chapter more, but at the moment this is what it is.

But I sit in the small bedroom with my chin resting on one hand, watching the blimps float through the sky. It’s sunset, almost, and the sun makes golden patterns across the sky. The world around me is gold, almost perfect in these small moments. The bantering in the streets and blaring horns of the cars used to annoy me, but now it comforts me. The noises fill my ears and send nostalgic images of my childhood through my mind, coated in golden sunlight: Will and I running down the streets; Reiner, Annie and Bertholdt training with Marcel and I; and mom cooking dinner while waiting for us to come home.

 

Mom.

 

That was one of the few things I nearly forgot about. My own mother, the fierce omega who raised me and taught me how to love. She’s still alive, but she’s living with a friend down south. She doesn’t know I’m alive. The Council has told her jack squat and William is taking me to see her tomorrow. I won’t lie, I’m nervous. I haven’t seen her in about thirteen years. She used to be my sanity and safety when I was younger, but of course the Council pushed us apart. She never approved of the Council, even if dad did. She just wanted a happy daughter, or so she said.

 

Mom didn’t want me to be a soldier, but as the firstborn and the best in my class, the Council got its claws into me. William managed to escape, though, since he was the younger child who my mom refused to let go of. The younger, happier child with less psychological damage. Although, I’m not gonna lie, he’s probably more mature than my immature thirteen year old ass inside the body of a twenty six year old.

 

I wonder if mom will recognize the monster I’ve become.

 

~~~

 

“William?”

 

She’s sitting at a bright yellow table, completing a puzzle while eating fruit, and her eyes are trained on me.

 

I see a flash of recognition in her eyes. People do tell me I look like my mother when she was younger, so I probably look like some fucked up mirror to her.

 

“Hey mom,” William says awkwardly, and he gestures to me with a half hearted smile. “Harper’s back.”

 

There’s a tear in her left eye, and soon enough I’m in her arms again, embraced as my mother cries into my shoulder.

 

“Harper?” She whispers into my shoulder.

 

I hug her back. The warmth is comforting and she smells like a mother. Earthly and safe, and the embrace brings back a million memories. Her hands are in fists against my back, and small shudders rack her body as she presses up against me.

 

“My baby,” she whispers, clutching at me. She leans back with tears glistening in her eyes and a sad smile on her lips. “My precious baby.”

 

I smile back, feeling a long forgotten warmth spreading through me.

 

“Hi, mom.”

 

When the tears and loving embraces have mostly finished, we all sit around the table and mom becomes the dragon she usually is when it comes to matters of the Council. I see she hasn’t changed much, just older and wiser looking.

 

“The Council told me nothing,” she spits. “Nothing. Will told me that you missed your check in with Gale, and a couple months after that they said you were dead.” She scoffs and grinds her teeth together. “The bastards gave you a luscious funeral, but it was all lies. We weren’t even invited,” She snarls softly, stabbing at a piece of fruit with her fork and then chewing at it angrily. “Your own family wasn’t invited to your damned funeral.”

 

I raise a brow at her. Since when did she cuss so much?

 

“And then you came back,” she says softly, looking at me with a pained expression. “You come back smelling like death and looking absolutely stressed.”

 

I laugh bitterly. “Stressed is a word you could use.”

 

Her lips are drawn into a thin line. “Your voice sounds so rough, like an alpha’s.”

 

I’m tempted to roll my eyes, remembering the way she would scold me for my voice when I was younger. I used to force it to be deeper so the alpha’s wouldn’t pick on me as much, but she didn’t like it. She told me that the Council picked me because I was an omega, and no matter how much she hated the Council, I had no reason to try to be an alpha.

 

“I’m practically an alpha, mom,” I say dully. “My voice is the least of my similarities with one.”

 

Her expression only darkens. “You aren’t an alpha, though. You’re an omega, a creature born to be delicate and motherly. To handle a different kind of stress than war and blood. And yet,” she pauses and glares at something in the distance, “you look like an alpha. You smell like one. But I know who I gave birth to and I know you’re an omega. The Council destroyed your mind and built you into this… monster, stuck between alphas and omegas, and humanity and animals.”

 

Her words sting, but they ring true. I don’t bother to try to go against any of what she’s said.

 

“I never should have let them take you,” mom whispers. “I should have fought them and kept you safe and never let those monsters touch you.”

 

I shake my head. “There’s nothing you could have done-”

 

She laughs bitterly and loudly, effectively interrupting me. “There’s a lot a mother can do for her child. I could have protected you. I _should_ have protected you.”

 

Something about her words twists my chest.

 

“I don’t need protection,” I say.

 

She looks at me with sad, pitiful eyes and glances over to William, who has that same damn pitiful expression on his face.

 

“What happened in Paradis?” She asks softly. “Did you find the King?”

 

I nod, clutching my wrists tightly with slowly growing claws. “I found her. And I watched her die.”

 

My mother’s gaze hardens but she doesn’t stop looking at me. “Then what went wrong?”

 

I scoff. “I watched her die at the hands of the Attack Titan _after_ I… after I mated to her.”

 

Her jaw drops a bit and William puts on that pitiful expression again, turning his head away, as if he can’t handle this horrible information.

 

“You mated her?” She whispers, horrified.

 

I nod, not meeting her gaze. “I went into heat earlier than planned and she took me.”

 

Mom’s eyes shine with understanding and a mother’s rage against anyone who dares hurt her children. Her jaw clenches and I watch the gears turn in her head, attempting to find a response to the information I’ve just given her. William doesn’t meet my judging glare, and I’m fine with that. I don’t know why I’m suddenly pissed at him, but I am. I don’t want his pity. He doesn’t know what it’s like to be a soldier. He’s a bloody politician, for Ymir’s sake. Soldiers are either numbers in a page or victims of society to his kind. He has no right to act so high and mighty.

 

“You went into red heat,” mom confirms slowly, and I nod. “How did you survive?”

 

I sigh. “I had extra Titan serums, and they helped stave off the worst of the heat,” I say. “And then after I came out of it, Gale and Winn were dead and I had lost all of my memories.”

 

“All of them?” She asks.

 

I shrug. “More or less”

 

She places a hand over her mouth, resting her head on her palms. She looks slightly sick, almost traumatized. “How did you survive?” She whispers.

 

I smile faintly, remembering a head of red. “A small pack found me and took me in. They nursed me back to health after my heat and let me stay with them.”

 

She nods, removing her hands from her lips and shakily saying, “How long were you with them?”

 

Images of a titan with red eyes flashes through my mind and I lose any trace of a smile on my lips. “Two of them died a few years after I met them. The… the other alpha and I stayed in the army for the rest of my time there.”

 

Her eyes are kind but sad. A hint of pity is in them. “You must have been close,” she whispers. “Thirteen years, about.”

 

I nod, wringing my hands in my lap and tracing the armored claws that have grown on my fingertips. “We were.”

 

William looks at me closely and says, “You didn’t mention the alpha to the Council.”

 

I shrug. “He wasn’t important to them.”

 

“Just to you,” mom says, catching my eyes. She sees the mild shock on my face, and she smiles wryly. “That alpha was your family… for a while. Anyone you’d stay with for thirteen years would become your family.”

 

I look at my hands in my lap, confused as to how far away they are or how close. Everything seems to spin. “I guess.”

 

William rolls his eyes. “You guess?” He says. “Thirteen years is a long time, Harper. This guy was important.”

 

I snarl quietly at him. “Surely we have better things to discuss rather than my… than him.”

 

Mom eyes me carefully and I can tell that even after thirteen years, she knows me inside out. No lies are getting past her.

 

“William, can you give me and Harper a few minutes alone?” She asks.

 

He looks offended but he doesn’t say anything. He’s still momma’s boy, so he submits to her. Like the pathetic child he is.

 

“I’ll be outside,” he murmurs before clambering out of his chair with a harsh screech of metal against the tile floor.

 

“Dear Ymir, Will, can you be a little more graceful?” I mutter.

 

He looks at me oddly but says nothing as he walks away.

 

When he’s gone, I relax just a bit, but mom turns to me with her interrogation face on. She’s still a nosy mother, even after her baby just came home from war. A nosy mother who loves gossip. Even if this isn’t exactly gossip.

 

“What was his name?” She asks.

 

“Why do you make it sound like he’s dead?” I ask, obviously ignoring her question and refusing answers.

 

She eyes me with the mother equivalent of a bitch face. “If he’s still alive you would never have left Paradis. He’d be your lifeline and you’re not stupid enough to throw that away.” Her expression softens. “Sorry. I should have been more… delicate with his death.”

 

“He’s not dead,” I croak out, my voice suddenly dying in my throat. I clear it and continue. “He’s still alive in Paradis.” Or at least I hope he is.

 

Her jaw drops a bit. “He’s alive?”

 

Ah fuck. I’m not leaving his room for a while, am I? I nod and try to banish the feeling of nausea that rises in my throat.

 

“And you left him?” She demands, her eyes growing wide. “You left Paradis and the man who became your family? For what?!”

 

I shrink away from her and don’t look her in the eye. “I had a mission to finish.”

 

“Damn the mission!” She shouts, slapping her hand on the table. I flinch. “Who cares about some stupid mission to kill someone?”

 

“Me!” I snap at her, clutching my wrist tightly, my claws digging into my skin. I lean towards her and my lips are spread in a growl. “ _I_ care about the mission! _I_ was chosen to bring back the Founding Titan and now _I’m_ doing just that!”

 

She shakes her head angrily. “There is more to life than the mission, Harper,” she says softly, bowing her head down. “Family is more important than some… stupid mission.”

 

I scoff. “I left you for the mission. I left my home for the mission. What makes you think I couldn’t do it again?”

 

She stumbles over a few words and then breathes deeply, placing her hands over her lips and looking at me with concerned eyes. “Just because you could do it twice doesn’t mean it’s easy to do.”

 

I shake my head and say nothing.

 

“You come out with scars.”

 

Well isn’t that the truth.

 

“What was his name?” She asks again.

 

“Does he need a name?” I ask harshly. “Can’t he just stay faceless and nameless for you? That way it’ll be easier for everyone and me to just forget him?”

 

She looks a me sadly. “You shouldn’t just be pushing all of this down, Harper.”

 

“But I have to,” I snap. “I have to keep moving and fighting and I don’t have time to mourn over him.”

 

She shakes her head. “At least give me his name. A name isn’t much.”

 

I won’t say it. I won’t say the name I was gasping out when we finally touched each other again. “No.”

 

She looks like she wants to push it, but she can see the pain in my eyes. She knows I might break and fall apart again. “I want to know the name of the man my daughter fell in love with.”

 

How dare you accuse me of loving a man who serves the enemy of Eldia. How dare you throw the truth in my face and accuse me of love. “Who says I loved him?”

 

“The pain in your eyes,” she whispers. “That’s heartbreak in your eyes, and I want to know who dare break my daughter like this.”

 

“Why is his name so important?” I demand, pushing myself roughly out of the chair. “His name is nothing and it means nothing and it is nothing!”

 

She gets up as well and stares me down. My mother isn’t scared of me. She is willing to push me and break me until I give her what she wants.

 

“Just leave me alone,” I whisper, grasping at my wrists. “Leave me alone.”

 

She shakes her head and comes closer to me. “You’ve been alone for too long.”

 

“I wasn’t alone,” I whisper. “I had him. For thirteen years I had him. There were bumps in the road but I had him. But now I don’t. And I’d rather learn how to be alone rather than relying on someone like that again.”

 

She touches my shoulder lightly, and I flinch away from her touch. “I don’t want you to be alone. I want you to be happy.”

 

I was happy with him. I was happy in Paradis and I was happy in the Scouting Legion. I was happy there. I knew who I was. “I need to be alone.”

 

She shakes her head. “Don’t leave.”

 

I keep walking away from her.

 

“Don’t run away from me.”

 

I ignore her and keep walking at a slightly faster pace.

 

“Don’t you dare leave me again!” Mom snaps, and I freeze in my tracks.

 

I turn to face her and she’s standing about twenty feet away from me, her jaw set. “I will do what I see fit.”

 

Her mouth opens and closes like a fish’s but she ends up snapping it shut. She walks forward to me and I turn away and walk. She jogs up to me and grabs at my arm and tries to drag me to a halt. “Stop.”

 

I yank my arm out of her grip and keep moving away, the door within a few feet of me.

 

“Don’t you run away from your own mother!” She hisses, grabbing at me again.

 

I spin around and I can feel the anger rise in me. I want to snap at her and lash out and bruise her and watch her bleed as I tell her all of the horrible things of my life, but I don’t. I would hate myself afterwards. I can’t hurt my own mother.

 

Pleas of love are on the tip of my tongue, ready to beg for her to leave me alone, but I hate them as they threaten to fall past my lips. I won’t hurt her, I won’t hurt my own mother, but I am not kissing ass to her and making myself seem like some weak omega. She doesn't know what I’ve been through. I don’t have to explain anything to her. I owe her nothing.

 

“Let go,” I murmur, and her grip tightens ever so slightly.

 

“Don’t go,” she whispers, pulling me slightly towards her. “I’m your mother.”

 

I wrench myself out of her grip and slip out of the room, the door clicking softly behind me. I want to pause and think about talking to her and opening up to my mother, but I don’t. I stalk forward and brush past William as I break into a sprint. I need to get somewhere safe. Somewhere I can be alone.

 

~~~

 

The water is warm against his skin, and it sloshes gently against his body as he cleans himself. The grime is rubbed off with meticulous movements and the sponge leaves his skin ever so slightly pink.

 

It’s so quiet.

 

He can hear his breaths brushing past his lips and teeth, blowing into the tub and echoing ever so softly. The water pops and rocks around his body, echoing in the room. The birds coo softly in the nearby trees, and he hears the occasional bout of laughter from a nearby room. His own heart pounds against his chest and it hasn’t stopped pounding. It’s loud, in the tub, and his hands shake gently as he brushes his skin free of sweat and blood. He hasn’t stopped shaking, just like the way his heart hasn’t stopped pounding against his ribs.

 

_I can almost hear her eyes rolling at me._

 

Look at him, acting like some babe. His hair’s a mess, his skin is breaking out, the scars are being picked at, and he hasn’t slept properly in months. What happened to the big strong alpha, huh? The snarky Levi who couldn’t bear to act like some angsty teenager, or Maria forbid, like Eren. Levi is usually calm and controlled.

 

_“You have no idea how proud I am, being the only one to ever see you like this,” she whispers, playing with a stray strand of his hair._

 

_He glares half heartedly at her. “You should feel honored.”_

 

_She grins. “Ha! I really am!”_

 

And he’s not even being mopey for her to see. He’s not even trying to get some attention and cuddles from her. It’s not like she can see him anymore. The dead see nothing but endless grey.

 

A knock sounds against the door.

 

That’s the other downside to being mopey without her, everyone else knows he’s mopey and they insist on checking up on him. It’s not like he’s going to hang himself in his room. He knows he can’t die just yet. He still has to win this war, then he can see Elliot again.

 

“Levi?” It’s Hanji’s voice, and he sinks further into the water. “Levi, I’m coming in so you better be decent!”

 

It’s not like Hanji cares about decency, she’s the one who asked about the nitty gritty details of the sex with Elliot. Before she died, of course. Even Hanji isn’t that insensitive.

 

The door bangs open and she storms in, her hair a disaster worthy of Elliot’s judgement.

 

“Levi Ackerman!” She shouts, glaring at what she finds in the bathroom. “Are you seriously taking another bath?”

 

He says nothing and simply glares at her from behind his bangs. He probably needs a haircut soon.

 

She sighs and drags a stool over so she can sit at the side of the tub. She purses her lips and looks at him with an expectant look, and then she sighs again.

 

“What do you want, Four-Eyes?” He mutters.

 

Her eyes widen comically and she clutches at her chest while staggering back on the stool. “He speaks!”

 

Fine. Forget Levi said anything. He’ll just keep his damn mouth shut if this is the reaction he’ll be getting out of Hanji.

 

She sees him shut off again, and she mentally slaps herself for being a stupid bitch. “Sorry sorry sorry, I know, serious moment, serious cleansing ritual.”

 

He only stares at the wall.

 

She sighs again and puts her chin on her hands. “Levi. You know we’re here for you, right?”

 

He glances over to her. This speech again? He’s fine, he’s fine being alone. He still nods, though, saving himself from the longer version of the speech he knows he’ll get if he dares ignore her.

 

“You didn’t go to her funeral,” she murmurs.

 

He looks at her carefully. The funeral was three weeks ago, and he thought no one noticed he was even absent. Well, minus Hanji and Erwin and maybe Eren.

 

“There was a lot of drama you could have helped with,” she mutters.

 

The funeral was three damn weeks ago. Why is he only hearing about this now? “And you’re telling me this only now, because...?”

 

She fidgets slightly. “Erwin has been basically keeping me under lock and key. Especially since we’re leaving for Eren’s basement in a few days.” She won’t mention the emotional trauma Historia and Eren unleashed on everyone at the funeral.

 

He nods in understanding.

 

“Historia came to the funeral, of course,” Hanji begins softly, her expression dropping to something more solemn. “And she said some interesting things.”

 

His eyes ask ‘such as?’

 

“Frieda’s mate,” Hanji murmurs. “You know how Eren had this massive mental breakthrough and started remembering his own father’s memories and something about a place called Eldia and the people there, which was apparently where his father came from and he saw through Grisha’s eyes and oh my lord LEVI he was so intense his eyes were gold and the lives of other people were flashing before his eyes and-”

 

“I know all of this,” Levi mutters. He was there when Eren went through the damn ‘enlightenment’ moment. “Is this in any way related to what Historia was talking about?” On any other occasion, he would let her rant and just zone out for a bit, but this is about Elliot’s funeral. He needs to know whether or not he needs to kill the new queen for disrespecting her. Eren’s memories are linked to the basement and the war, not to Elliot. His personal grievings and his work are separate.

 

Hanji makes a couple vague hand gestures and sighs quite a few times before placing her hands in her lap and looking ‘calmly’ at Levi. “Historia said something about Frieda’s mate, an omega named Harper, she thinks. And normally that would be fine, if not for the context of Elliot’s funeral.” She pauses and chews on her lip before continuing. “Eren said the same thing about this Harper, and apparently she was a very strange girl.”

 

Levi would be intrigued on any other day, but he honestly doesn’t give a fuck about this Harper.

 

“They think that this Harper was… Elliot… before she went through red heat,” Hanji murmurs, looking down at her hands. “Both Eren and Historia separately told me about her, and they said she looks just like Elliot, but you know, younger.” Hanji bites at her lip again. “I just thought you should know.”

 

Levi isn’t sure what to do with this information. They found out Elliot’s identity? Her history? How is he supposed to respond? Happy? Sad? Demand to see Historia and Eren and learn everything he can about… Harper?

 

“Harper knew about the titans,” Hanji says, her voice echoing in the room. “And she died when Grisha killed Frieda.”

 

“How am I supposed to react to this?” Levi mutters, pulling his knees to his chest. “She’s dead and this changes nothing.”

 

Hanji nods quickly and begins to get up. “I just thought you should know. Since…. you know… you were Elliot’s everything.” She stands there, looking at him and opening and closing her mouth, trying to say something, anything, really, but nothing comes out. “Elliot lost everything with Frieda,” she manages to say. “And we think she started remembering things.”

 

Levi says nothing.

 

“She went looking for Frieda,” Hanji admits. “She went with Erwin to find the Reiss family, before she knew they were the real royal family. But she found the burnt down church, and I think she didn’t care about Rod. Just her mate.” Hanji laughs softly but sadly. “The woman who would have become king, if Grisha didn’t kill her. Funny, thinking that Elliot could have played the part Historia is playing right now. She’s royalty, at least through marriage, and Erwin would have made her queen the moment he found out.” She bites at her bottom lip. “I’m kinda glad Erwin never knew. Elliot would have abused her power.”

 

Levi turns his head away and vaguely sees an image of Elliot in a crown and sitting on a throne. She’d be a powerful, angry queen. Probably abuse her power to get cake. But if she knew about her mate and her family, why didn’t she… leave? Tell Erwin her heritage and rise to power? Take control of her life and properly mourn her mate?

 

“But, even after she found out she’s royalty, she stayed with you,” Hanji murmurs, answering Levi’s unspoken questions. “She loved you.”

 

And look where that got her. He didn’t deserve her love. She didn’t deserve her love for him. She deserved a happy family and life with her mate, knowing her name and loving her king. She didn’t deserve to die.

 

Hanji looks like she wants to say more, but she sees Levi’s agony brimming and threatening to spill from his eyes, so she stops. She leaves without another word and he’s left there in the silence again, accompanied only by the water and his blood.

 

~~~

 

_“So you’re… gay?” Bert says slowly, testing the taboo word._

 

_Reiner nods, leaning back against the tree. “Yup.”_

 

_Annie scoffs, poking at the fire with a stick. “Called it.”_

 

_Bert turns to her in shock. “How?”_

 

_Annie rolls her eyes. “For someone who gets top marks in class, you’re quite dull at times.”  Her voice is monotone and doesn’t sound threatening, but Reiner is howling in laughter at her words._

 

_“You just got roasted, Bert!” He says, shoving at Bert’s shoulder._

 

_“Well you don’t seem like a poof!” Bert exclaims, hopelessly attempting to block Reiner’s attacks._

 

_Reiner laughs again. “Sorry if I’m not wearing lipstick and pretty pink a dress, Bert. Maybe some other time.”_

 

_Bert’s face flushes furiously and even Annie cracks a smile at this._

 

_There’s silence for a few moments, and once Bert’s blush has faded enough, Reiner speaks again._

 

_“So you’re both… cool with it?” He asks slowly._

 

_Annie immediately nods. “You’re a good soldier. So what if you like guys, I like guys.”_

 

_Reiner has to smile at her words. “Bert?”_

 

_Bert’s mouth is in a thin line and he wrings his hands. “I’m… surprised? Definitely surprised, but… but I’m okay with it.”_

 

_Reiner grins widely and takes another bite of his sandwich. “Excellent,” he says with his mouth full. “Now, any other confessions to add to the conversation?”_

 

_“I like girls, too,” Annie says bluntly, and Reiner chokes on his bread, hacking out crude coughs._

 

_Bert stares at Annie in mild shock and looks to Reiner worriedly._

 

_“I fucking knew it,” Reiner chokes out, hitting his chest and trying to prevent is impending death. “I fucking knew it.”_

 

_“Don’t swear like that, Reiner!” Bert scolds once he makes sure that Reiner won’t be dying anytime soon._

 

_Reiner swallows the last of his sandwich and gasps out, “My gaydar is strong.”_

 

_Annie raises a thin eyebrow at Reiner, silently judging him. “Where are you learning all of these terms from?”_

 

_“Eren,” Reiner says. “He’s got a crush on Armin, so we talk about gay stuff.”_

 

_“Oh my Ymir,” Bert groans, hanging his head. “Why are you like this?”_

 

_Reiner laughs. “Because we gays gotta stick together. So, Bert, got anything to add? Do you like guys?” Reiner certainly hopes so. “Or is it just Annie and I who are raging queers?”_

 

_Bert groans. “Stop using all of those terms. You’re hopeless.”_

 

_Reiner shrugs. “Maybe.”_

 

_“I agree with Bertholdt,” Annie says. “You’re hopeless.”_

 

_Reiner clutches his chest and falls against Bert’s shoulder. “How dare you, my fellow rainbow.”_

 

_Bert shoves Reiner off and Reiner overplays how hurt he is. He’s still a bit hurt, though. He wants to cuddle with Bert more than anything in the world._

 

_“You gonna answer the question, Bert?” Reiner asks, mentally crossing his fingers._

 

_Bert rolls his eyes and gives Reiner a bitch face. “I like girls. Only girls.”_

 

_Reiner doesn’t show his disappointment. “Pedophile.”_

 

_Bert whacks Reiner and glares at his laughing best friend. “Will you act your age?!”_

 

_Annie sips at her tea and watches them with mildly amused eyes. She can see the tenderness in Reiner’s gaze for Bertholdt. This boy was long lost to Bert’s green eyes._

 

 _They return back to the rest of the trainees after they discuss a few things about the mission - such as where they’ll go after their_ years _of training, they think inside Wall Sina with the Military Police - and they’re all happily drunk on the meat they stole from Sasha. They say goodnight to Annie who walks to the omega/girl beta cabin, and Reiner can’t help but wink at Krista who peeks out of the windows. Ymir gives him the middle finger when she catches him doing so. Possessive lesbian._

 

_Reiner and Bert head back to the alpha/boy beta cabin, but Bert hangs back as they near the door._

 

_“Bert?” Reiner asks. He mentally hopes for a confession. Don’t blame him. He’s hopeless for this green-eyed gangly beauty._

 

_Bert shakes his head and enters the cabin. “It’s nothing.”_

 

_~~~_

 

_It’s a year into their training, and everyone seems to have fairly integrated into the groups. Annie’s become friends with Mikasa and become a terrifying duo of alpha women (even if Annie is an omega, but she acts like an alpha and she’s capable of being one), hellbent on making weak male alphas suffer. Bert and Reiner have joined the guy’s group quite well, but they’re still the closest to each other. Reiner sniffs out other gays - like Marco and Jean, even though they’re both technically bi and both closeted because of stupid society - and establishes his ‘big brother’ position in the group. These people are stupid and crazy, but they’re all bound by a deeper pain. They rough house and shout profanities at each other, but they’ll hold each other when the nightmares come to haunt and the screams echo through the mind. No one makes ‘your mother was a prostitute’ joke. Everyone’s mom is dead, minus Jean and Connie’s moms. There’s respect concerning certain things._

 

_Bert and Reiner rise through the ranks, becoming soldiers for Paradis. They’re at the top of the class with Annie and Mikasa, and while the 3DMG training is exhilarating, the hand-to-hand combat bring back memories. Every time Reiner spars with Ymir, he always sees Harper for a moment, grinning as she sweeps his legs out from under him. And every time he sees her, he freezes and Ymir gets the better of him. It’s frustrating, especially since Ymir is hellbent on showing how worthy she is of Krista’s love._

 

_During 3DMG training, he’s a soldier and a friend to these people, but Harper’s ghost reminds him of what he truly is and who he fights for. He’s a warrior, and a monster._

 

_Sometimes the memories come flooding back in one fell swoop, and he wakes up in cold sweat, remembering the fall of Wall Maria. Ice fills his lungs and he lays there, gasping, and he doesn’t calm down until Bert’s reassuring arms are around him. He can’t breathe properly until he’s breathing Bert’s comforting scent, daring to nuzzle Bert’s scent gland. Bert used to push Reiner away whenever he did this, but one day he just stopped. He stopped keeping Reiner at an arm’s length away, and he let Reiner hold him close._

 

_Bert knows that alphas aren’t strong, and that Reiner breaks far too easily for the task they’ve been given._

 

_So one day, they’ve snuck out to the roof of the cabin, and they’re stargazing like they used to. The air is cold around them, and snow will be falling in a few weeks. The atmosphere is crisp and sharp, biting at their bones and forcing them to use each other for body heat. Reiner loves it. He loves holding Bert close just for the sake of it, and every night he becomes more and more daring, kissing Bert’s neck and leaving him warmer than intended._

 

_“Reiner,” Bert murmurs after Reiner gains the balls to kiss Bert on the scent gland. “We shouldn’t be doing this.”_

 

_We. He said we. “Doing what?”_

 

_Bert huffs and his breath turns the air grey. “You know what.”_

 

_Reiner leans away just enough to see Bert’s face. “We’re doing two things that break the rules, right now. You’re gonna have to specify which one you’re referring to.”_

 

_Bert bites at his lip - his very kissable lip - and looks at Reiner sadly. “The… cuddling.”_

 

_Fuck. Reiner wants to drag Bert closer and dare him to say no to this, but Reiner is also struck with fear. He doesn’t want to lose Bert._

 

_“We’re both alphas, Reiner,” Bert whispers. “This is wrong.”_

 

_Reiner scoffs. “I don’t care. The Council isn’t here to tell us no.”_

 

_Bert shakes his head. “The Council owns us. We can’t do anything against them.”_

 

_“They aren’t here, Bert,” Reiner whispers strongly. “They can’t hurt us here.”_

 

_Bert says nothing but bites harshly at his lips. “We can’t.”_

 

_Reiner places his head on Bert’s shoulder, and he doesn’t let go of him. “Do you want to?”_

 

_Bert says nothing._

 

_“If we could, if we could do anything we wanted, would you want to? Would you?” Reiner asks quietly._

 

_Bert shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter,” he whispers back._

 

_Reiner lifts his head up suddenly and looks directly into Bert’s eyes. “Yes it does. It matters whether or not you want something. It’s your free will.”_

 

_Bert whines softly and shakes his head. “We can’t, Reiner.”_

 

_“But you want to,” Reiner whispers. “You want this.”_

 

_Bert glares at Reiner. “It doesn’t matter whether or not I want this.”_

 

_“Yes it fucking does!” Reiner exclaims quietly._

 

_Bert looks away and bites his lip even harder, drawing blood. Dammit._

 

_“Bert, please,” Reiner begs. “We’ve been dancing like this for years, almost two, maybe more. I… I need you.”_

 

_Bert rests his cheek on Reiner’s shoulder. “You can’t have me like this.”_

 

_Reiner leans his cheek on Bert’s head. “But we could do this. Eren’s crushing after Armin. Jean and Marco are doing it, hell, they’re literally doing each other and I’m now scarred because of it.” Reiner brings his fingers to Bert’s chapped lips, daring to lightly touch them. “Give me a chance. Give this a chance.”_

 

_Bert says nothing and does nothing. Reiner can’t stand the silence._

 

_“Please.”_

 

_They’re quiet for a few minutes, the silence eating through Reiner’s soul, but Bert is the one who snaps first. He quietly mutters ‘fuck’ and then he’s shoving himself away, away from Reiner and the warmth is leaving him, but then that warmth is slamming back into him. Bert’s hands drag Reiner’s head up to Bert, who now kneels in front of Reiner, and he kisses him, hard. There’s nothing tender about the kiss, it’s desperate instead. He’s giving everything he has to Reiner, abandoning common sense and any sense of dignity he had, and he’s kissing Reiner with tears in his eyes._

 

_Reiner won’t have that._

 

_Reiner cradles Bert’s face, tilting his own up to Bert, and he tries to slow the kiss down. He traces Bert’s facial features, memorizing them with his hands as he has done with his eyes, commuting them to the sweetest parts of his mind. He moves slowly against Bert’s angry kisses, trying to bring everything back to the point where this is just lips against lips. Bert seems to crumble at Reiner’s gentle touches, and he drops into Reiner’s lap, a soft mewl escaping him._

 

_Reiner drags him closer, so close but not close enough, and kisses him with everything he can give him. He gives him all of his tenderness and warmth and love, conveying the adoration he’s had for Bert for years. He tries to whisper every memory he’s had of Bert, pushing them past his own lips and into Bert’s gasping mouth._

 

_“I need you,” Reiner murmurs._

 

_Bert nods and kisses him again. “I need you too.”_

 

_The cold eventually drives them back into the barracks, but they keep touching each other as they run back into the warmth. Everyone else is fast asleep - minus Marco and Jean who are in the storage building fucking each other - so Reiner keeps kissing Bert as they climb into bed._

 

_“I need you,” Bert whispers into Reiner’s mouth, guiding his hands down. “I need you.”_

 

_Reiner is more than happy to oblige. “Try to be quiet.”_

 

_It’s a miracle they manage to get each other off twice without waking anyone up. Bert is surprisingly loud, moaning into Reiner’s mouth and bucking feverishly into his hand, but Reiner is delighted by this. He swallows every sound Bert makes, and he carves them into his mind. Bert’s hands roam across Reiner, studying the boy’s body that has become a man’s, and he barely hesitates to give pleasure back to Reiner. They collide over and over again, gasping each other’s names like a mantra, and they fall as the pleasure burns them to dust._

 

_“I need you too.”_

 

_~~~_

 

_“Reiner!” Jean shouts before toppling onto Reiner, who’s trying to sleep in a bit._

 

_Reiner groans quietly, but poor Bert who was closely tucked under Reiner’s arm releases a shocked, high pitched shout._

 

_“Holy fuck, Reiner was that you?” Connie asks from the other side of the cabin._

 

_“It was me, you jerks!” Bert shouts, throwing the covers off of him and glaring at Jean. “That’s not how I wanted to wake up this morning, thanks Jean.”_

 

_There are a few gasps around the room, and they all hold their breath, anticipating the laughter that is about to fall like thunder. Jean is the first to howl in joy, clutching his face as the tears stream down his face._

 

_“Oh my god I’m so sorry, Bert!” Jean gasps out. “I didn’t see you!”_

 

 _“That’s because_ someone _was smushing me with their big beefy arms,” Bert mutters to Reiner, and Reiner grins back at him._

 

_“I didn’t know you guys slept together!” Jean gasps out._

 

_Marco whacks Jean on the side of the head and glares at him. “Be nice, Jean. We sleep together and you don’t seem bothered by it.”_

 

_Connie howls in laughter and so does Eren, who’s just entered._

 

_“You and Marco sleep together?” Eren asks, smirking at Jean. Armin glares at Eren for being a jackass. He and Eren sleep together, so he can say nothing._

 

_“So what?” Jean snarls, and Marco ruffles his hair._

 

_“Everyone sleeps with someone, Jean,” Marco whispers._

 

_“Everyone except Connie!” Jean barks, and Connie bushes furiously._

 

_“Nah, he has Sasha when he smuggles her in,” Reiner says, putting on his 3DMG straps and boots._

 

_Connie blushes even harder and Marco whistles._

 

_“Looks like Connie’s the only one to have a girl, then!” Marco says. “Good job, Connie!”_

 

_Connie mutters out a half-hearted ‘thanks.’_

 

_The roughhousing dies down a bit after Connie’s obvious lady skills, and they all finish getting ready for the day. The straps are put on, the jackets are donned, and the boots are hopefully on the right feet. They all pile out of the cabin with mumbled curses and breathe in the fresh, cold air._

 

_“Another day of hell,” Reiner murmurs._

 

_Bert laughs. “We’re almost done with this hell. In a few more days we’ll be in Sina.”_

 

_Reiner sighs deeply and nods. “We’re almost there.”_

 

_“And we’ll have our own bedrooms,” Bert murmurs. “Without Jean jumping on us in the mornings.”_

 

_Reiner laughs. “You never know, Bert, Jean does want to go to Sina.”_

 

_Bert groans and hangs his head back. “If we get a room with him I swear to Ymir…”_

 

_Reiner laughs and leans closer to Bert, his lips grazing Bert’s earlobe. “Would you feel uncomfortable with me fucking you with Jean in the room?”_

 

_Bert’s entire body goes bright red and he shoves Reiner away roughly. “Shut up!” He shouts, hitting Reiner roughly on the chest and hiding his face behind his hands._

 

_“I’ll take that as a yes,” Reiner says cockily, and Bert glares at him._

 

 _“Do_ not _talk about our sex life in public, please,” Bert begs quietly._

 

_Reiner laughs and leans in again, holding Bert’s hip with a firm hand. “Don’t worry, I won’t. I’m the only one who can know about your cute little c-“_

 

_“SHUT UP!” Bert shouts, springing away from Reiner and blushing violently._

 

_Reiner smiles widely._

 

_“Oi! Braun! Hoover! Get your lazy asses over here otherwise you’ll be sleeping with the pigs!” The brother of the devil shouts, the steam rising from his bald head._

 

_Bert and Reiner jog over without another word and Reiner smiles. He’s fought for Bert and Bert is finally his._

 

~~~

 

Bertholdt's dead, and Reiner is alive. Why is he alive?

 

He sits atop of Wall Rose, next to a fire that chases away the cold. Zeke sits a few feet away from him, warming his hands by the fire. His glasses reflect the moonlight, hiding his eyes, and he looks like some homeless bum with that god awful beard of his. He sips his tea loudly, looking across the abandoned lands of Maria. He’s a monster with a god complex.

 

This is the man that saved him from death and is now trying to kill Eren.

 

“I’m sorry about Bertholdt,” Zeke says, breaking the silence that Reiner is hiding in. “I know he was close to you.”

 

Reiner hums softly to acknowledge Zeke’s words, but he says nothing. He doesn’t want to say anything. Zeke doesn’t know how close he was to Bert. He doesn’t know anything about their relationship, and he has no right to know about their relationship. Besides, Reiner is content not talking about what happened to Bert. He doesn’t want to acknowledge the empty place at the fire where Bert should be sitting. He should be there with his brow furrowed and sipping the hot tea, contemplating their next moves. He should occasionally meet Reiner’s eyes and brush his hands comfortingly across Reiner’s knuckles. Unspoken words should pass between them and Reiner should be chasing Bert’s shy kisses as they mourn the loss of their friends’ trust.

 

Bertholdt should be alive.

 

Zeke says that he knows Bertholdt and Reiner were close, but he has no idea how close. He doesn’t deserve to know. Zeke is a homophobic pig who’s chasing a title he doesn’t fucking deserve. He doesn’t know about the touches Bert and Reiner shared. The kisses. The way Reiner begged and begged and begged for Bert to love him back, how he begged until Bert finally grabbed Reiner’s face - almost roughly - and kissed him. Zeke doesn’t know how those kisses turned into more, into steamy nights in the barracks or in the tent. Zeke doesn’t know how hard Reiner fought to make Bert his own.

 

Now, Bert is dead and there’s nothing Reiner can do about it. Armin is the Colossal Titan, and Bert’s body is somewhere rotting away into nothingness. All because Zeke made them fight and claimed to be their fucking friend.

 

“You seem angry,” Zeke murmurs. “I understand if you need some time to cool down.”

 

Reiner scoffs. “I’m not that pathetic.”

 

“I never said you were,” Zeke replies. “Even the strongest men break, and you just lost your best friend. You need time to grieve him before you can move on.”

 

Reiner turns his head away and feels the ghost of Bert’s hand squeezing his in a reassuring manner.

 

“I don’t have time to grieve.”

 

Zeke thinks for a moment before replying, wondering how he can comfort Reiner. “Then we need to make time.”

 

Reiner gets up quickly and shoves his hands into his pockets, the cold air filling his lungs as he breathes deeply. “I don’t want to grieve.”

 

Reiner begins to stalk off but Zeke’s sharp voice stops him.

 

“You need to grieve him, Reiner,” Zeke says. “You need to say goodbye and move on. You can’t pretend he’s still alive.”

 

Reiner turns around sharply and stares Zeke down. “Don’t tell me how to handle his death.”

 

“I’m telling you to acknowledge his death.”

 

“Same fucking thing!” Reiner hisses.

 

Zeke sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose, the moonlight moving across his glasses. “I need you to be at the top of your game. You can’t do that if you’re broken.”

 

Reiner scoffs and sneers at Zeke. “I can kill so many more people when I’m broken.”

 

“I don’t need you blindly killing people,” Zeke says, his voice growing aggravated. “I need you to capture Eren and take him back to the Council.”

 

Eren this, Eren that. That’s all Zeke cares about. The mission. The Council. The King. Reiner doesn’t give a fuck about this mission. He just wanted to go home with Bert, the Council be damned.

 

“So grieve him,” Zeke demands, sipping his tea. “And move on.”

 

Reiner turns away and away from Zeke, tears threatening to spill over. He walks for who knows how long, and he eventually falls to his knees and gasps out soft cries. He hugs himself tightly, gasping Bertholdt’s name and internally screaming at the image forever ingrained in his mind: Bert being snapped in half by Armin’s titan’s teeth.

 

_I need you._

 

~~~

 

The bathrooms are an excellent place to hide when one is having a panic attack. No one talks, no one likes to linger, and no one will ask questions if you stay there for a long time.

 

Usually, at least.

 

But thankfully, no one is asking me any questions or even acknowledging my presence. A few people have come in a left, but that’s it. They don’t bother me. I’m sitting on the toilet, hugging my chest tightly and trying to calm my breathing.

 

Ymir, I’m so pathetic. Sitting here in the bathrooms, panicking about Levi.

 

I bang my head against the wall and groan. I miss him. I miss Levi. I miss waking up surrounded by his smell and kissing him good morning and catching his gaze during a meeting with Erwin and hugging him and fighting beside him and talking with him until god knows when in the morning. I miss him. I miss him so damn much. It’s like someone carved a piece out of my heart. It sounds so fucking cheesy.

 

But Levi is gone. Or more of, I’m gone. I’m here in Eldia, awaiting Zeke, the intended King. I am apart from Levi’s world, and I can’t go back. My path has broken away from his, and now I’m not a soldier for Paradis. I’m not a human. I’m a titan. The Vessel, the Lunar, the King. Here, I am the daughter of Mara Finley and the sister to William Finley. I am Harper Finley.

 

~~~

 

The horn sounds loudly through the house, a messenger riding down the streets, blowing it loudly. His horn signals the return of the King, calling for all to rise to arms and obey.

 

Zeke has returned and my time is up.

 

Will is already awake, sitting at the dinner table with a cup of coffee in hand. His eyes are set and he looks ready, sure of himself. Nothing will bring him down. Pft, it’s as if he’s the one who’s going to get eaten today.

 

Queenie awakes, wrapped in a soft pink robe and sleep still in her eyes. She looks to both of us with worried eyes, biting at the inside of her cheeks and not looking at either of us in the eye. She heads into the kitchen and begins making herself a cup of tea, shaking ever so slightly. She has to watch the ceremony, due to Will’s position as my brother. A witness to my death. Blood and death terrifies poor Queenie, but she knows she has no right to be scared when she’s not the one being consumed by a monster. I don’t blame her for shaking as she pours the hot water from the kettle, though. She isn’t used to the pain. No one should be used to the pain and the fear and the death.

 

A knock pounds on the door, and Will opens it with his expression stuck in a steely manner. It’s a Council Messenger.

 

“I have come to collect the Vessel,” the boy says in a practiced manner, lifting his chin high and making himself seem important.

 

Vessel. Not Ms Finley or Harper Finley or Commander Finley. Just… the Vessel. A tool for the Council to push around the map of war. No, not a tool. A weapon. A monster chained to their will.

 

“May I get dressed?” I ask the boy in a hushed tone, playing with a free strand of thread from my sweater. I don’t even know why I ask, I know the answer already. I know how this hammer will fall.

 

“No, ma’am,” he says. “Everything is provided at the Council Hall.”

 

I nod. “Very well.”

 

Without another word, I follow the boy out, pulling the sweater tighter around me as the cold morning air nips at my skin. This will be the last morning I feel, the last time I walk down these streets. I’ve had a month to say my goodbyes, complete the bucket list and plan my final words. I’ve had a month to memorise the feeling of these cobblestone against my feet, pressing through the thin soles of my shoes. A month to memorise the names of the stores on this street, the names of the people, and the names of their pets.

 

A month to say the goodbyes I haven’t said.

 

The car ride their is silent. The boy tries to explain everything to me, but I shut him up by telling him I already know everything. I know how the hammer will fall. We will arrive at the Council Hall and the guards greeting us will be dressed in white uniform with red swirls decorating their hands and chests. The Head Councilwoman will be dressed in a dress with the deepest shade of red, spots of black marking her hands and heart, and she will lead me to the chambers containing a simple white dress and a glass of water. She will leave me after placing a kiss on my forehead and whispering the words ‘may Ymir greet you in gold.’ She will leave me alone in the room, and I will change into the white dress and I will wait, sitting on the floor and drinking that glass of water. I won’t finish the glass, to prove to them that they have provided me with enough. Guards in dark red and no white will guide me to the courtyard, where the audience awaits, dressed in red and black. In the center of the courtyard will stand Zeke Jaeger, dressed in white.

 

I will kneel at the center of the courtyard and let the soldiers shackle me to the stone, facing the monster about to consume me. Zeke will come to me, kneel before me and ask for my last words.

 

The amounts of red and the intensity of the red is supposed to symbolize the guilt of the Council. They kill, and they acknowledge the sins of their murders, and they wear red to symbolize the blood that will be spilled today. I will be dressed in white to show my innocence and my sacrifice for the people of Eldia.

 

That’s how it’s supposed to go.

 

We exit the car in silence, and soldiers dress in white greet me. Head Councilwoman greets me in white. The guards lead me to the chamber, which contains a glass of water and a white dress.

 

So no one is guilty on this day. I wonder what color Zeke will wear. White? Red? Black? Or perhaps he’ll be naked and show off his supposedly impressive manhood. Hopefully not. I don’t want the last thing for me to see to be Zeke’s tiny ass dick. He’s a beta, so we all know it’s not impressive.

 

I put on the white dress, and I lean against the wall as I sip at the water. The dress is loose and flowy, coming down to my ankles and giving me the impression of a modest bride. A bride to die for her groom.

 

I laugh loudly, and I’m sure the guards at my door are scared by the sound. I can smell their anxiety.

 

Oh Zeke, as if I’ll ever be your bride.

 

The Head Councilwoman opens the door a few minutes after I’ve drained the glass of water, and she eyes the glass carefully.

 

“I got nervous,” I whisper, a crooked and insane smile on my lips. “Couldn’t remember whether or not I was supposed to finish the glass.”

 

She nods and says nothing. Her hands cradle my head, bringing it towards her and she places a single kiss between my eyebrows.

 

“May Ymir greet you in gold,” she whispers against my skin, and then she’s pulling away and opening the door.

 

I follow her out the door, my feet bare against the cold stone. Why did Zeke have to return in the winter? We walk up the stairs and to the courtyard, soldiers all dressed in white. None of them look me in the eye, but I can smell the fear on them. They know the changes made to the traditions. They know that this time, this sacrifice is different. No one is guilty of any deaths, because my death is righteous. My death has been planned ever since the dawn of time. The Vessel will die at the hand of the King, for the King.

 

_Righteous, is the death of the Vessel._

_Righteous, is the sacrifice of the moon._

_Righteous, is the bleeding child._

 

They chain me to the cold stone, the metal biting into my wrists. Zeke stands there, his back turned to me. He’s consulting something with a Councilmember, his head hanging low. I can’t smell him from here, but I’m not surprised. He’s a beta. Infertile, non-smelling, and, in my eyes, weak. He barely would have the guts to murder, if it wasn’t for the Council nurturing their little monster. But my death isn’t murder, in his eyes. My death is righteous.

 

He turns to face me, his eyes hidden by the sunlight glancing off of his glasses. His stance is firm, soldierly, and the courtyard’s voices dwindle into nothingness as he begins walking towards me. His gait is predatory, and everything in me screams to run and to flee and to escape the monster who stalks towards me. The shackles bite into my wrists and I fight everything in me to stop the whimpers from escaping my lips.

 

He holds a injection vial in his hand, and it’s filled with a clear liquid. He’s going to drug me.

 

They expect me to give a fight.

 

I hold back a bitter laugh. They aren’t as dumb as I took them to be. They saw their rebellion in my eyes and they know I am not going into this willingly. Their lies haven’t reached my heart and they know I’m going to raise hell. Hence why my death is righteous. A not so perfect sacrifice for a not so perfect intended King.

 

My eyes roam the courtyard, and they fall on the man standing next to the Head Councilwoman. His stance is strong, similar to a boulder, and I recognize his silhouette.

 

Reiner.

 

Everything in my freezes and I barely process Zeke nearing me and kneeling before me, his eyes boring into my skin. His gaze is cold, methodical, and he grabs my arm and positions the needle over my vein.

 

“May Ymir greet you in gold,” he whispers just as the needle breaks the skin.

 

 _May Ymir greet you in gold_.

 

Reiner looks at me with sad eyes, heartbreak painted across his face. His hands are clenched into tight fists and his mouth is a thin line. He’s lost someone, and I slowly realize that Bertholdt isn’t here. If Bert was here I wouldn’t be in the courtyard, Eren would be in my place. Reiner kept his mouth shut like I wanted. Zeke won’t turn down the chance to become King, and since he’s of royal blood, he’ll have power over Eren even if Eren also has the King in him. Eren represents failure to the Council, and Zeke isn’t risking his honor.

 

Reiner watches with tears in his eyes as the needle delves into my arm and Zeke begins pressing the plunger down.

 

_No._

 

My heart is pounding against my chest, beating like a drum in my ears.

 

_No._

 

Armor grows around my wrists, scraping against the iron shackles.

 

_You won’t kill me._

 

The armor breaks the shackles and I’m pushing myself back, away from Zeke, clambering to my feet.

 

The courtyard is silent.

 

_I won’t let you kill me._

 

The puncture in my arm bleeds a little, the blood gliding down my skin and dripping onto the floor. A small amount of the drug is my system, and I mentally slap myself for reacting so slowly. I’ve known for so long what I am about to do, and yet I still hesitate.

 

_I will not be the righteous sacrifice._

 

The courtyard bursts with sound, and the soldiers surrounding Zeke and I charge, their boots thudding against the stone and their guns clicking as they load the bullets. Zeke throws the vial away and stands there, looking at me expectantly. His eyes seem to say ‘well?’, taunting me to lash out at him and to prove my loyalties.

 

_Well, if you insist._

 

I lunge at him and slam my fist into his jaw, smiling at the sickening crunch of bone. Armor coats my hands and I feel nothing as his skin and bone break, as he staggers back and eyes me with cold, calculating eyes.

 

He makes no move to attack me, but instead raises the hand with his ring, smiling as the hidden knife clicks out and slices into his hand, gold bursting around him. The Beast Titan grows to his full height before my eyes, and I’m blown back due to the steam released. He releases a loud groan as he settles into his Titan body, and then he’s looking down, calculating my death.

 

His hand reaches down to ensnare me, but before I can run away or bite my hand and transform, something is slamming into me and forcing me away from Zeke.

 

I scramble to my feet, growing armor into makeshift blades in my palms, but I don’t attack when I see what has shoved me away from Zeke’s grasp. It’s Reiner, pushing himself off of the stone floor and smiling sadly at me.

 

“I guess you want Zeke dead?” He asks, wiping the blood off of his chin.

 

I laugh, the sound morbid against my ears. “No. I just don’t want to die.”

 

He nods. “Then let’s kick ass.”

 

I smile, looking up at Zeke’s Titan who is flaring angrily at me.

 

“Let’s kick ass.”

 

Reiner transforms into the Armored Titan and I transform as well, letting the Lunar Titan embrace my body as I run at Zeke, armor coating every part of my. It’s been ages since I’ve last transformed - the Council has made sure of that - and a part of me has missed this. The warmth that fills your body and the power that courses through you. I’ve spent so long flying around like a small bird, darting around ugly beasts and digging my talons into their napes. I had forgotten that I am a Titan, a creature born from death and power, and I fight with my hands and feet and teeth.

 

Zeke hasn’t trained as a soldier with his Titan. His mind has been nourished with strategic books and cold politics, and he’s not the best Titan to be fighting hand to hand. Although, the Beast Titan is one of the largest - minus Bert - and he’s a force to be reckoned with. Reiner and I slam into him, using the tactics we were taught by the Council and by the Trainee Corps. We fight as people, using our bodies as elegant but brutal instruments of destruction.

 

Zeke sinks down, crouching close to the floor and nearly giving us the advantage, but he then lunges up, his body throwing mine and Reiner’s away and against the stone walls surrounding the courtyard. I numbly register the pain my Titan feels, but it’s nothing. I am safe. I stand again, raising my fists, and I charge at Zeke, slamming my armored claws into his neck and smiling as his Titan falters, stumbling in my arms.

 

He grabs my middle with his hand, squeezing and crushing the ribs of my titan, but my claws dig deeper and try to reach his nape, where Zeke himself lies. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Reiner rising to his feet and charging, and I grin a morbid grin at Zeke. That grin falters though, when another titan slams into Reiner and knocks him back down to the ground. It’s Porco, in the Jaw Titan. Zeke’s grip tightens and I soon become trapped in his grasp rather than trapping him with my talons. Dammit.

 

Porco is biting into Reiner at every piece he can get access to, and the heartbeats of my titan and my own body thus against my ears. I can’t lose. Zeke brings my titan’s nape to his mouth, and I try to escape as I realize what he’s trying to do. I am still the sacrifice, and he is going to do everything he can to become King. Dammit. I struggle in his grasp and I push and shove and claw at his nape and hands, but my titan is weakening, most of my bones broken. Dammit, I can’t lose. Reiner is on the floor, losing limbs and flesh, and Porco keeps attacking without mercy.

 

I can’t lose. I can’t die and I can’t let Reiner die and I will not let Zeke become King. I will not be the sacrifice.

 

An image of Eren kneeling before Historia comes to mind, his screams for death echoing in my ears. He wanted to be free of this life and he wanted to give the King to someone who could actually use it. He would have been a willing sacrifice. I am not a willing sacrifice.

 

And I am King.

 

With Eren’s scream in my mind, I drive my claws deeper into Zeke and scream hell, screaming with every fiber in my and screaming out every heartbreak I’ve had and every death I’ve seen and every tear I’ve cried. I scream, the sound echoing through my skull and digging into Zeke and Porco’s skulls.

 

_Stop._

 

Porco stops, falling limp at Reiner’s side, and Reiner is also limp on the floor.

 

Zeke is frozen where he stands, but the grip on my ribs doesn’t loosen. The courtyard has long been emptied, minus the few stray soldiers who stare at us in fear, but I hear whispers everywhere, crawling through my mind and nestling into my heart.

 

I am King.

 

I rasp out unsteady words, the feeling strange on my titan’s tongue. “Stop.”

 

Not a single titan, soldier, or creature dares to disobey me, and Zeke stares at me with fearful eyes. He knows that I have the power, the royal blood in my veins. I grin at him and drag him down to the ground, slamming his head into the stone. It’s not enough to kill him - nowhere near enough - but it immobilizes him and it allows me to turn him into his stomach and expose his nape. Most of the soldiers have long since retreated, and any who have stayed behind are now slaves to my will, slaves to the will of their King. 

 

My hand rests over Zeke’s nape and I dig my claws into the skin just a bit, contemplating how carefully I should take Zeke out. If I take him out roughly, he won’t be able to transform and we’ll be able to subdue him. If I take him out carefully, well the only upside to that is that it’s less gorey and more humane.

 

I chose to rip him out of his titan, and my claws are digging deeply into his nape in the next few moments.

 

_I am King._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this chapter is a bit all over the place and I am definitely going to edit this a lot more later, but I really just wanted to post this since it’s been nearly a month since I’ve updated.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos and comments and tell me what you think!


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